My heart felt like it was getting squeezed

I do job placement. Sometimes people call our company and ask about our services. Sometimes no one is at the office but me so I answer these calls:
"Can you explain your services to me? Well, I have a daughter that I am afraid is making the wrong choice going to college for music and theater." (At this moment, Laura's chest begins to implode) "Do you discuss career choices with people?"

If you don't know me, yes, I majored in Spanish with a business minor, but my "real" major was ART. That's not even the point. I can't begin to explain the emotions going on here. I grew up with two parents who were 100%, vocally anyway, supportive of my TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSONALITY AND GOALS/VISIONS THAN THE REST OF THE FAMILY. At one point I thought one was scared that I'd be a starving artist, which is a "valid" "fear." But, this "fear" wasn't vocalized (I could be making assumptions here) and I wasn't stopped from going out and making my own choices and learning, A LOT, from the choices I made that were not forced or even really influenced by my parents. That's not accurate. They were influenced by my parents in as much as they were supportive of me throughout my life, so I felt that any choice I was making was legitimate and that I'd have their love and support. Am I wrong? No, I still have both their love and support. Ahhhh! Anyway, I digress.

Laura: "Oh, well, I don't know, but I have two cousins who are going to school, one for music and the other for theater, actually, and they are really happy."

Lady: "What are they doing with that?"

Laura: "Well they're in school. The theater major is interested in more of the directing aspect, like directing children's theaters. The music major is thinking of not just playing music but also going into more of the business aspect of it."

Lady: "Oh, well..." (Then I realized I didn't actually answer her question, oops, that ol' damn ego again).

Laura: "So no, we are a placement agency that works with Rehab--people with disabilities--we don't have that service. My best advice would be to talk to someone in Career Services at the college she is going to."

The rest is a blur because, as I alluded to with the title, I thought I was going to implode and then blow up and all my inside juices would really make a mess in my office. So then I just said to myself that I need to settle and just send positive energies to that poor young woman who I am sure is so talented!

Maybe what I should have told the lady is that when I graduated with an Art and Spanish major/business minor and got a regular, FT, corporate job that I suffered from anxiety and depression because all my life force was being siphoned out of me all because that's "what people do when they have a college degree." Is that what she wants for her daugher?

Doubt it--she's just concerned. Now I've wasted way too much energy on the negetivity of the day. It is FRIDAY! Wooo Hooooo!!! Earth Day Half Marathon tomorrow... wish me luck!!

Love and Light to all those folks, young and old, who are wise enough to know that no matter what you try to do or where you try to go, you're never going to get there until you follow you dreams!
And compassion to those who haven't understood us yet.

Weekend Work

I didn't say it wasn't a good time... But it was certainly work... Bill made them, we both worked the soil... still a way to go...

Outside Garden

Can't give much credit to Bill, here... but he did help me move the seedlings from the floor to the table... he was outside moving Earth when I was propigating... Or, was I helping the seeds to propigate? Hmmm.

Inside Garden - Future Outside Garden

I am so excited!! We are doing so many things. Restate - we are trying so many things!! Kale and lettuce and onions and peppers and eggplant and tomatoes and chilis and collards and pole beans and carrots and spinach and sweet potatoes even, and chives and oregano and tarragon and thyme and cilantro/coriander and parsley and more and ohhh I love the Earth!! All the wonderful yumminess! We'll see how much yumminess we get from all this!

WWJD?

Ah! I was just told that if I wanted to apply for a position as a yoga teacher at a new wellness center opening in September of '09, that I can't bring any "New Age," or "Buddhism," into the practice. It's so funny how it went down, too, because I was going to call her about teaching private sessions through there. They don't even have a space for yoga classes. Well, maybe they'll get space, who knows. Anyway, beside the point. She's looking for a Christ-Centered yoga teacher, so if anyone knows of any in the St Cloud Area, please tell me and I'll hook them up. I'm good at hooking people up, apparently, just ask Julie A. Anyway, while talking to her I just mentioned that Jesus is AWESOME, but I can't be exclusive because the God we worship, to me, is the same God all spiritualities and religions worship. So although I don't deny Jesus in my personal spirituality, I can't exclude other practices. Then I came to writing this blog, though I don't know why it seems so important - must be that ego thing again - drat - and I wrote WWJD? in the subject line. Actually, I think it's pretty fitting. Answer me this: Can you see Jesus Christ teaching Yoga that is centered only on himself? I think we so easily forget that Jesus taught unconditional Love and Compassion for all. I think we even more easily forget that Jesus wasn't the founder of Christianity. Ah, anyway, I truly mean no disrespect. In fact, a Christ-centered yoga is probably much needed around these conservative Catholic parts. And they are still getting a slice of Yoga, from which they can follow the path of their choice. It really doesn't matter, they all lead to the same thing. All is One.
LOVE~

Flood Warning Statement

This is that last sentence on the river flood warnings for Minnesota on Weatherchannel.com. So nice.

DO NOT DRIVE CARS THROUGH FLOODED AREAS. TURN AROUND... DON'T DROWN.

Nothing to say

I don't really have anything to say. Tonight after class, the first time EVER (for yoga, not me) student that was there looked, acted, and sounded like I did after my first class ever. This doesn't mean the student actually felt like I did, but described it that way. In this I have much joy. I teach to help others find what I did. Then again, just feeling like I did after my first class doesn't mean anyone would find in him-/herself what I have found in myself--my Self. I suppose I'm not done teaching. Thank goodness - it's the first job I've had that doesn't make me feel like I am wasting my Prana! Well, I guess that was something to say. My ego is done talking for now, though. It's sort of refreshing.

work

Somehow I found myself brushing my teeth and looking into the sink and saying to myself, "Holy shit, I'm going to work!" in disbelief. It's Saturday, and phrase and disbelief is in no way negatory. I went to teach a Yoga 101 for Runners workshop with my friend Beth. It's the second one we've done and it looks like at least one more is in the works. Okay, so I'm not living off it, yet, but this is my JOB! Side note: Also in the works is my and Bill's adventure company where we take people backpacking and yoga-ing. So, someday maybe we will live on the North Shore. Then we'll do "mini" trips there and of course we'll do at least one or two "big" trips, like to Alaska, Hawaii, New Mexico, the Andes, a year. So, anyone want to sign up?? :)

Quotable and Lovable all at once.

"Well, I don't plan on spooning with men."
_Bill
Two minutes later, to "friend," Joe, over the phone:
"Yeah I'll take off my pants."

ALL DAY

I've been on computer pretty much ALL DAY working on *this* and formatting pictures in photoshop to be able to put a slide show on there....only to discover, alas, I can't. Or at least I don't know how because it's not an option along with insert: photo, video, flash, music, etc...
Julie A, can I put a slide show on there? Can you help me if I can?

Okay, love you all!!

Crazy Fear

I find it somewhat strange how the world works, but it is beautiful. I was just writing about fear and found a friend of mine has been thinking about the subject recently. I am not going to sit here and write what I wrote, but I just thought it odd that it all came at me today. Here's a beautiful verse having nothing to do with it - the opening of the Upanishads:
"All this is full. All that is full.
From fullness, fullness comes.
When fullness is taken from fullness,
Fullness still remains."
OM shanti shanti shanti
Maybe it could I suppose, depending on how you read it. Well, I love it and it's probably one of my favorites so there it is. Love and peace to all....

Yum Yum YUUUUMMMM!

Most reasonable people would be saying yum about the basically orgasmic chocolate chip cookies I just made. I say basically orgasmic because they're that good, but no orgasm accompanies the eating of them. But lo and behold, it is I, who is more excited (no pun intended) about THIS, which came FedEX today. Salads galore and who knows what more! Check it out!!!

I tried something and it didn't work so nevermind this post. :)

I like this one

Ushering in the Golden Age...

I don't know, I just like the photo.

Peace to all.

Joy

Joy. Joy is always there. Can you find it? Can you find it in a tear, in a whisper or the soft sound of the melting snow? Find Joy where it is always residing - in your heart. It's always there, we sometimes just forget.

Um.

Thank you Julie A for getting me back on my blog. And for Kamran as I just read yours and remember liking reading these things. And also big thanks to Julie G because I just went on yours and see that you are still blogging. I don't know how the busy busy people like the three of you still find time to blog. Maybe we do what we make time for I suppose. We'll see how long I get back into it for. Probably less than a few months. My computer already takes up too much of my time with all the journaling (yoga teacher journal) and making/printing handouts and expenses and revenue and mileage and taxes, etc... Why would you care to know about that? Exactly. So, like I said, we'll see. Maybe whenever I have some sort of inspiration I want to share I'll remember to come on here and publish the Love. Speaking of which, how 'bout that new President? ;)

Oh! Amy how the heck are you doing?? I miss you! (if anyone reads this can you let her know I say hi?) Thanks!!

WORLD REJOICE!!!

Nothing interesting has happened. Just thought I'd let you know.

Well, Julie came up to get her painting, and that was nice! Lots of fun stuff going on in her city these days. :) I hope to paint some more commissions... LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS! (Not just for Julie everyone, *hint hint*.

Last weekend we went up to Hibbing to spend one final night in the house I basically grew up in. We moved my parents the next day, but not before I ran 7 miles in 1 weather. 1 degree I mean. I love Minnesota. Anyway, I ran my favorite route hooked onto another one from HS Track. That was quite enjoyable. Running up north is soooooo much better than running here, where there are no hills, no trees, and no good places for people to run, or walk. Very sad. Now my parents live in "Greenhaven." Still Hibbing, but the part where all rich little kids lived and went to the rich little elementary school... I think my sister and I both had the same reaction when my mom told us where they'd bought a house. It is a great place though, and I guess their next door neighbors are the parents of one of the nicest kids in my HS Class. My super good HS friend lived in Greenhaven, too, so I guess it's not completely full of little rich twits. Anyway, that day was a good workout. We're lucky my parents have so many friends, and all of them have pick-up trucks.

Oh and I got to drive my sister's new Camry Hybrid back from Chisholm, where we went to a restaurant that had no meatless red sauce, and I'd rather shit my pants in public than eat creamy sauce, so I had a quarter head of iceberg lettuce with count them, 2 each slices of tomatoes and cucumbers, each cut in half, so it was like there were 8 pieces. Not to complain, it is my choice not to eat meat. But really, a hunk of iceberg? Oh well, it was free for me and only $4.50 for my parents. No need to say I ate dinner when I got back to the new house.

People kept asking if it was weird that I'd never be back there and if I had a lot of attachment to it. Yeah but no. I haven't lived their for 7 years or something, and things are always changing. It's not like it really felt like home. Nothing does. Last time I felt like that was last June when I went up to Bemidji and layed down in the grass in the park Bill and I used to play catch and frisbee in. That was home. That's a long way away. Someday........

I went PT at work. Now I can call what I want to call work work. Art. Though, it's been tough because last week I put in 40 hours. I'll have less this week. Quite frankly, I'd like to reduce it to zero. But I don't think we'd last very long in this house if that happened, because essentially my income would reduce to zero. Of course, I'd like my art to sustain Bill and me, but no one else believes that can happen. F 'em all I say. (the second letter was an "r"). Haha, that's what my mom said this weekend when she said "fruckin'" or something. It was riduculous. She's never said the F-word in her life I swear to every god of every religion. She's awesome.

Totally lost my train of thought. Guess that's my cue. Take care.

Fin

Not really, but they are all matted and framed! Some of my photos turned our blurry, which is sad, but here's a sample!

So if you're looking at this you're probably Julie. (Thanks for keeping on checking!!) And, if you're Julie, I might need your help setting up a website. It is my goal to have one set up by the end of my first show in St Cloud. I'm hanging it up this weekend! (I think) So, I think I'll be setting up a my space page (for starters... wow, totally didn't see that one coming). Anyway, if you're in St Cloud or know anyone it St Cloud, get or get them to Jule's Bistro in February or beginning of March, and then tell them to buy one or 26 of these. :)

Beauty Spelled A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T

Very rough... But my mom will be matting this and we'll frame them in black. I hope they go into a Bistro in town (My favorite place in St Cloud) soon. It's no Wild Hare, but it's damn close. --wish it was as close in proximity to my home. *Sigh*

Beauty

Dream

Endurance

Finding my way

Well, maybe not, but I guess that's all any of us ever do, right?

I have signed up for this, though I haven't received confirmation. (200 hour Teacher Training starting in April) Maybe I'll check after the Holidays are done. Speaking of which, I hope everyone had a nice Christmas, and will have a wonderful New Year's, too! I will be separate from Bill again this year, but it's sort of a trend. I think in the 3+ years we've been married, we've only been together for one New Year's. I guess that day's not so important if the rest of the year we're still together! (It is my choice really to be separate--I just don't feel like driving to Eau Claire on Monday night after work, being there for just the night, and then driving home Tuesday and working again Wed.) Too much I want to do around here. :)

I'm also looking into this. My dream is to teach Yoga, as well as be a nutritional consultant. I think I could really help others get to where I want to be. I want to make holistic nutrition and well-being accessible to people who don't realize how truly accessible it is. maybe it will be a lot of work, but I guess I'm not afraid of that. I'm much more afraid of remaining where I am and never being my true self. I'm still trying to find that, of course, but if I know one thing, I certainly won't find it doing what I do now.

Have a beautiful day.

Art?

Wow, this photo pretty much sucks. :) It is a start though. I am working on making my letters beautiful. English, or Latin, I should say, letters are just not that pretty. I mean look what we have to compare it with. Look at the Eastern letters, or those of the Mayas! Awesome. Anyway I believe ours can be beautiful, they just aren't. We're too rushed to make our letters look nice, just so long as they function, right? These, I don't know, I think I can do a lot better than these. But Hey, it's a start right?

My mom and dad and myself are going to collaborate for--hopefully--a show here in St Cloud. I spoke with the owner of a local bistro (my favorite spot in town), and she liked my idea of making letters beautiful. I'd also like to work with my friend Andy, who is an amazing poet. We'd have the letters and the poems, matted and framed by my parents, in the bistro for about 3 months. How cool!? Anyway, I'll let you know if anything developes with this. :) Peace.