Lament of the Needless

Where is this solitude I seek
When worlds spin out of reach
And darkness fills an empty space
Full of whispers of an unknown speech

Where is this silence that I seek
When quiet drowns an early scream
And lifelessness is hopeless here
In the corner of a subtle dream

When do the answers march in time
To the questions in a beating drum
When the children all run and hide
Through the fog you'll see them come

Where is the home I wish to find
When nowhere is everywhere I'll be
And love is first but never blind
So it can't be there to me

Where do I look when it's all right here
But my eyes won't look inside
Of the hope I trust with everything
As everything always dies

While I biked to Yoga today, I realized that as much as I don't want to, I need to get out of this town. Actually I realized that a long time ago, but it was just really reiterated today. Last Friday I ran into my bane--though it turned out in the end that she was less my bane than I her savior. Somehow from this I need to learn to believe in myself as much as my family does. I feel like my not painting would injure her soul more than mine. And I think it might kill me. That would be the number one reason why I won't quit. Carol even knew.
So as I look for a job, maybe I should quit looking so far away from myself.
I'll keep looking that far.

5 Things In My Fridge1. milk2. Yugurt3. Kefir4. The best Hummus from Harmony--Red Pepper5. Lots of deliciously yummy fruits and veggies!5 Things In My Closet1. Clothes2. gig bag for Morgan3. amp and pedal4. purses5. shoes5 Things In My Purse1. pen2. lotion3. calling card4. some Euro cents (I know, still--I need to get out more)5. Twins ticket from *Fenway*5 Things In My Car1. Steering wheel2. a sign I stole in PA3. Road Atlas of the US4. seats5. seatbelts (which I use--every time)5 Things I Wish I Was Doing Right Now1. Not this2. talking to Val3. Being with Brian, here4. getting a call from Federated5. speaking Spanish5 Things I Like Most About My Bedroom1. I sleep there2. the TV shows me the Daily Show sometimes3. Our wedding pictures4. blue carpet. I like blue5. that the orange chair is gone because someone bought our green one so we moved the orange one to the living room and there is now more room in both rooms. I tag.... No one. this is sort of pointless and cruel. But I love who tagged me and also who tagged her, so I don't mind a bit!

Um.

Said Great Harvest Bread Company would like to meet me. When can I? Hmmm. . . . . . Damnit Federated! Holiday's over; do you want me or not? YOU DO!!!!!! Johnny's graduation was pretty nice. It was outside, which means HOT AND WINDY, but good anyway. I met some of his friends who were super-cool. One is a psych/ed major who is going to revamp the whole K-12 system. Totally awesome guy. I figured a couple of my friends should meet him. You know who you are. Anyway, I wasn't exactly looking forward to the day, but in the end it turned out pretty awesome... the TWINS actually swept their series with Seattle!!! Yeah! And our fantasy team got the most points... watch out CABAM league, here we come!

Thorough?

It's official. Federated Insurance thinks I'm an paranoid, anal, and obsessive chick who is desperate for work. I just sent the second email updating my references, and before the first one I sent I called to let him know I was sending it. Wow. Actually, I have no idea what they think, it just makes me feel better knowing that that could be the reason they're going to tell me that they don't want me to work for them...if they do that. Ah!
I sent in a cover letter and resume and application to Great Harvest Bread Company in Rochester. I know that it is basically a highschool job and if I do work there I'd have wasted a lot of time and more money on actually getting a degree, but whatever, if it's fun. I'm also trying to find out if Running Room will have any openings. Yep, I'd be a shoe saleswoman. Hmmm. I hate retail. Oh well I like running.
Great weekend coming up! We're going to an awesome baseball game with an awesome friend who unfortunately for me but super awesomely for her will be in NYC for the next couple years saving the world. :) One smile at a time, baby, that's all anyone can ask for. Plus, I get to see my amazing sister and her supercool husband (and her nephews, since she said we could share them since she's not going to give me any of my own for a while). Oh well, I'm sure I she won't have any other ones for a longer time than that. Maybe never. We'll see.
Plus, this Sunday I get to see how the uber crazy private Christian colleges send out their graduates, cuz Johnny's graduating too! Just glad there won't be so damn many BS's there. He he!
Well, that's all I got. Oh, and make sure you're never ashamed of being random. Haven't you ever read my blog? Or does it just make you more ashamed of it. :) Chau!

Because they're yellow

Why are people so afraid of dandelions?

What is art?

Good question. You know what I love about our generation? We all have superb typing skills because of those stupid instant messanger things we used in HS and the first couple (maybe) years of college. Yay for us. Anyway that has nothing to do with art.
I am sitting here in Dunn Bros with Amy and she told me she wanted me to write about what art is. Funny thing about art is that it really doesn't matter what I think it is. It matters what you think it is. I look at some paint splattered on a wall unintentionally---is that art? Maybe, it depends on how I feel when I see it. It is probably an annoying spill to whoever made it, but maybe it is beautiful to me.
Amy asked me to take the spiral out of her notebook and make art out of it. I said, "Hell no I don't take junk and make art with it." That's when she told me I should blog about what art is. Just because I don't like to make art with junk doesn't mean it can't be done and also it doesn't mean that it's not art. I am not the art god. Though I am a creator. :) Though I create far less than others. Far more than many more. I guess I am a quality creator, or I strive to be. If I create I want it to be good--in my eyes. I don't mean to sound arrogant but I don't really care what you think about my creations. "You create something, like inward singing. . . " Jack Black. Ha ha ha. That's quality.
Amy, you're just not going to get an answer I'm afraid. At least not with this blog. And judging from my recent history, I won't be blogging again for quite some time. Although I have no school and no job, so maybe next time I'm checking the Twins I'll blog. Oh, I have to do that. Sorry. As far as art goes. If you think it's art than it is. I won't argue.!! (I'll just tell you if I like it or not, and thanks to Natalia, I'll be able to at least sound like I know why).

A Tidbit fom Kurt Vonnegut

"If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something."

_from A Man Without a Country

In her book of diaries, Daybook, Ann Truitt wrote on the 6th of August, 1974, "Indeed, I am not sure that I can grow as an artist until I can bring myself to accept that I am one."
I say always that I'm not a real artist. Artists are artists and that is just it. Artists have art and that is all. I am lying. I am an artist whether I would be or not. Having lived a bit over 23 years, I don't know yet if I would be or not. But I am. I have more than art. I do more than art. I am more than artist. "Don't it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are?" Damn, if this was my own journal I probably wouldn't feel obliged to cite that: John Rzeznik wrote that, an artist in his own right. That totally interrupted my flow. Ah, work.
I am not saddened by this. I am inspired by it. Everything is more than who we are. There wouldn't be anything if this weren't the case. Why shouldn't we strive to put down in tangible form what we get out of life? This is the way we put things into life. This is what we are. We are so small.
The experiences and emotions and things I've seen of this life are nothing, and yet when I paint, I paint more than an object, more than form, more than color, more than line, more than life. I paint what I see, but not just with my eyes. I see a flower. I don't see just petals and a stem and maybe a few thorns and some leaves. I see more. Life is more.
Many people say that artists see differently. We see no differently than you do. But when we do see something, we take it into ourselves and see more. We think differently. We take what we see and we find the beauty, the ugly, the corrupt, the sublime. We feel the extremes. We can't look on the surface and see just the surface, even if that is really all we're looking at. It doesn't work. Sometimes I wish it had worked, and I'm sure there will be more times when I wish it would work, but that is not who I am. And that probably saved me.
Women do this more than men, it is a part of our biologies, and artists seem to do it more than anyone. I am not tooting my own horn, my life has been a struggle to rid me of this. But I can be more than artist. I can be linguist. I can be wife. I can relax and let myself be me. I can be happy knowing I am who I am, and I can paint. And I can sell paintings and give money to penguins!

pinguinos

I finally found this: http://www.patagonianatural.org/proyecto_pinguinos_a.htm which is part of the Fundacion Patagonia Natural. They have a part where you can donate money. FINALLY. This makes me so happy. After having spent much time looking on the internet for someone to contact about donating money to an organization that protects these cute little critters, I came across this site. I wish their English section worked, but it doesn't seem to. They have some cute pictures at the bottom of the page though if you're interested. :) Of course you are, everyone loves penguins!
Anyway, I can go through with my plan now if anyone buys any paintings. I'd pray for the penguins, but they'd rather I wrote poetry. (This does not apply that I think any of my neighbors are penguins), it's just, they don't actually care what I do, but,

Shiver me timbers

I haven't been on here for quite a while. I guess it seems like a waste of time. No offense. Maybe it's just because I never really have anything to say. At least nothing interesting. I have put all my creative efforts into painting this semester, and last semester I had no time for creating. That sucked. I don't recommend it to anyone. My show is coming up. I hope you all can come see the penguins and smile with them too! I'll put up a picture on here maybe (since I finally know how to do it, yay)!! I had a dream last night that I hadn't ordered my cap and gown and all of a sudden it was the last week of school and oops, oh no! It's too late!!! Then I woke up so I don't even know if I walked or not. Suppose I could use Bill's if all else fails. But I think it'd be too big. He's so wide. Ha ha, I hope you read this one Jeremy Bro, cause no one else will get that.. ARRRRrrrrrr Matey.

I finally got to use my parka and mukluks made for mushing to mush!! Yeah for dog sledding..... That's me on the sled, and then from back to front, left to right, we have Earl, Zinger, Andy (my favorite dog in the world), and Ruby. Aren't they beautiful?? And so nice. Didn't even fake a bite! :)

Excerpts from a lost journal

1/14/06:
Painting - no, I don't want to write about that. That's another dimension. World really. I don't even know if I'm the same person as painter and all else. I don't know. I'm reading about Van Gogh. his artist saved him for a while. Mine could kill me.
1/16/06:
Hmmm. It's Julie's birthday. I think we found out today that it would kill me. I musn't let it. here's what I've got: 10 weeks. 7 paintings completed, 4 paintings started, and 4 left to be started, besides putting the supports together. . . But if there's something I hate right now besides George W. Bush and his idiotic regime for oil, war, death, and reversing the progress of women's rights, it is the very fact that . . . is leading me through the process. There's one simple problem. . . I am left to ask my respected classmates for what it is within me that I cannot find. This will build my character as an artist, or kill it, which in turn should save my life. What is more important to me? What I paint, or what I do with the rest of my time? It's not about what I paint anyway, it's the process. I feel stuck in one that dilutes the very emotion I need to transfer to the canvas. Sometimes I hit it dead on. Other times I hit what's holding it dead on and instinctively swear, get red in the face, and subsequently yell at whoever happens by with a word of encouragement or advice. Too bad for my husband, it is not I who has words of that kind, so as he slightly persuades my reasoning brain, awakening language and my voice, he hears the frustration the canvas glares at me as though it wasn't mine to begin with, yet reminding me I put it there.
But in other ways lucky for him that an artist I can't be, for I am other things that I can't quit. My love for other things I can not give up completely. Loving him, for example. Enjoying nature as it is and as it is meant to be and not wondering which colors express its emotion and mine. To feel without the obstacle of production. I will never stop creating. It is a part of me as my breath is a part of life. But I won't let it kill me, lest my breath fade and to this life I am no use. This I refuse to be. I cannot make anything better off if I am mad. My time in which being an artist would have saved me has come and gone. But art did not save me. Something else did. Art and I owe each other nothing. It is an activity that I do in my convenience. It owes me no masterpiece, nothing even at all good. And I owe it no time, though randomly I give it freely. I ask nothing from it, but that I may learn to become better for it. And I give it nothing but faith in just that.

blogs

I hate finding out about truly amazing moments in the lives of my frie nds because I happened upon a web page.

Oh my gosh I figured out how to do it all by myself!!!!

Mmmmm

I love bananas. So smooth and creamy and delicious they are. So pale yellow and packed with potassium. How do you spell pottassium? Oh here's a dictionary: I was right the first time.
And by reading it I made it so much uglier: though it prevents muscle cramps, it is, according to Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 10th Edition, a silver-white, soft light low-melting univalent metallic element of the alkali metal group that occurs abundantly in nature esp. combined in minerals.
What the hell?
Mmmmm, I still love bananas.

Voltaire

Was Voltaire an idiot? Because, according to my Good Earth tea bag, he said, "Anything too stupid to be said is sung." Someone please explain to me why this makes sense,,, in a language I can hear. That would be great. Thanks.

sticky

Hmmm, that describes a lot more these days than Jessie's cat. By the way, Jess, if you find my blog and read this soon "viscosa" does mean viscous, but it also means sticky.. Somehow, that makes sense :) ... but I'll probably see you before then and tell you anyway.
This past weekend... that was sticky too. Somehow, we let other relationships get in the way of our own. Too many friends in too many places, or too few in too many places, or too few here. Probably all of it. We spent about 20 more minutes together this New Year's midnight than last New Year's. That equals about 20 minutes :) Parties and sickness and people that "comfort" is not the word to describe how it feels to be with them. And other people who fit that definition quite well, and solitude. Don't ever underestimate solitude. People are important, so never underestimate them, but it is so much easier to forget what solitude can give you if you let it. But it wasn't Saturday but Sunday and Monday that held the effects of la viscosidad.
But we made a Snow Brontosaurus yesterday, and a Baby Snow Brontosaurus. They're cute. Nothing is sticky anymore, except I guess the cat that lives three houses away. Hmmm. Interesting. :)

I might be back

The semester from hell will be over in about an hour and a half or so. I might blog again. I don't know. You'll have to see. The deal is, I played guitar like 3 days in a row and I'm working on getting my caluses back. I might do that instead, it is more creatively stimulating and de-stressing for me I think. Writing is, I don't know, I can't express things in writing. I mean I can, just not well, as you can see. I'm more audio/visual than language when it comes to creative expressions. Though I must admit I can sometimes come up with some expressions that are quite creative (especially in Spanish). See you later. Have a great break/not break!

I should be researching

Because i have another paper. But I'm burnt out and my professor doesn't work hard for us so why should I work hard for her? I know I know because I'm "really" working for me. Screw that I don't pay myself.
I'm going out to eat tonight with a few philosophers and some English majors. Thank god other people think about that shit. I just think and do stuff and I just talk.
I love linguistics. And everyone knows grammar. If they didn't (yes, they), no one would understand them when they talk. But they do, because they make sense.
I make sense.
Ha ha

hasta la proxima vez.
que pases bien

There was a guy sitting on the couch upstairs by where I work. Then Nick came up here and started talking to him. Then they came over and Nick started talking to me. Then I looked over at the guy and I knew him. He looked different, but like he was doing well. He was an acquaintance that went to Iraq my sophomore year. He lived on my floor, then one day he was gone. Anyway, he's been back and it made me glad.

Court Appt.

Damnit, put someone good up there. Not someone like you.

change of priorities

Blogging has fallen quite short of my priority list since school has started. But the blog shouldn't feel bad, so have many other things that were once even higher than it. Sorry. Not that what comes out of my head for others to read is all that interesting anyway. But I'm telling you, you should get inside it! Chau for now.

I have clean teeth. yay

That's just too bad, isn't it?

Imagine yourself as a somewhat overly arrogant art professor (foreign, to complicate things more) who has tought one year at a somewhat sucky (especially in your department) little university far from pretty much anything but beautiful nature and souls of aspiring students. Good so far? Great. In walks this girl who you have never seen before--never even heard of before, who tells you she is in your advanced painting class for one credit. You don't even get the concept of taking a four credit class for one credit. Hmmm. "Who the hell do you think you are?" I'm sure you might say in your head at this young woman, especially since you've never seen or heard about anything she has done before in painting or in any realm of art. After seeing a few paintings, one of which had been done in Intermediate Painting and two on her own, you're probably wondering what the hell she was thinking when she did them. "OK so you do abstract?" Hmmm.. again 'Can you actually paint?' said in your head. This girl has not had screening, she has another major that she's going to grad school for, she doesn't seem to have a feasible reason for wanting to paint anyway, and all I've seen are a few paintings that make no sense, especially since she hasn't painted a self-portrait. (somehow that makes all the difference). I have to help this girl? OooooKaaaayyy.............. That's just too bad, isn't it?

Now imagine you're a student at this same somewhat sucky university who has changed your mind many many times and has finally figured out just what it is you want to end up with here, but the only professor who has seen you develop any sort of painting ability has been in New York (which is why you waited to take Advanced Painting this year) But she will be this year, your last year, again. So, you are forced to take your last painting class split up into one and three credits per semester, respectively, from a somewhat overly arrogant art instructor from Russia who has never seen you or heard of you before and certainly has not seen any of your artwork, and doesn't understand the concept of taking a class for one credit out of four, and doesn't really understand why you haven't been "screened" or why you're only getting a B.A. in Art and not a B.F.A. But you have to take this class to get the degree you want and you don't really listen to people who say that you can't or really shouldn't do something so you just have to put up with the arrogance and the "what the hell are you thinking" and the fact that whoever is your professor, she's not gonna know you anyway. That's just too bad, isn't it?


AAAAAAAAAHHHHHGG!! I'm so freakin' frustrated!!!!!

OK, I'm OK, it's a bit better . . .
Ha

Imagination--everything

So I bought a few books for class. I have been so curious about linguistics that I had to open that book up. I can't stop reading it. Class doesn't start until Tuesday. I'm on Chapter 4. I'm really not this nerdy. I swear!
Here's my favorite part so far:
"Nothing can be left to the imagination, though, because the internal representations are the imagination."

Take that for what it's worth.

Language really is fascinating. The way he expresses his ideas in this book is, for me, so comprehinsible, because I know what he is talking about. I can't explain it with my mother tongue, because I can't figure out the words or the correct patterns of the words to do so. I just have to know it as an experience. It is so strange how restricting and liberating language can be.

By the way, the book, by Steven Pinker, is called The Language Instinct: How the Mind Creates Language

Here it comes. . .

Today's the day. I put everything away or recycled it since Tuesday after I performed miserably on the second practice exam. Not on the math section. What is it with my head and math? Whatever. But wow, the verbal. That was bad. Anyway, I have spent a day and a half trying not to think about it, but whether I wanted it or not, words like "incipient" and "vituperate" have been floating around in my head, trying to make me remember what the hell they mean. Seriously, does knowing words that are only used by those who want to look like they know everying really measure intelligence? No. All it measures is how hard you try to make yourself look smarter than you are. That's what I think, but then, what do I know? Anyway, I will run and eat oatmeal and then take a 3 hour and 15 minute (i think) test and then after that eat delicious food with my husband and brother-in-law who's been in Europe for the past year and then we'll go out and maybe watch a movie and have a great time. So how important REALLY is this test? Hmmm, maybe if I wanted to get a Master's in Journalism or something, but Spanish doesn't need words like "insipid" and "harangue" because their language is already so ambiguous and metaphorical that one of their words has about 12 different meanings (or more). So, I'll go take your stupid 115 dollar test and then I'll show students a world they never could have seen before. Because to know the words "incipient" and "vituperate" and "insipid" and "harangue" is not to see a new world, but saber otras lenguas es conocer otros mundos. Joder.

Remember what I said about feeling high?

From a Runner's World, June 2004, article by Amby Burfoot "Is there really a runner's high?"

From his readings in the field, Dietrich knew about a relatively new brain receptor site, first discovered in 1990. This site was shown to be the receptor for THC, the active ingredient in marijuana that produces another kind of high entirely. The site was named the cannabinoid receptor.

since the body is an intelligent system that doesn't develop receptors for no reason at all, this meant the new receptor must be home to a natural body chemical--and not just THC, an exogenous, or "outside the body" substance. The natural chemical was discovered in 1992. It's called anandamide, from the Sanskrit word for "bliss." Anandamide is very similar to THC, and it produces pleasant feelings of relaxation and pain cessation similar to those often described by runners and pot smokers.

Could anandamide be the missing link to runner's high, the substance that endorphins were not? On one long run, Dietrich worked out all the details. "I was convinced that I had hit the nail on the head when it came to a biological explanation for runner's high," he says. "Of course, it would take me two years to prove it."

He started by devising a simple experiment with a small group of subjects who ran or bicycled for 40 minutes and 76 percent of their max heart rate, and then had blood samples drawn immediately after exercising. next the blood samples were flown to a special lab in Irvine, California. The results showed that both the runners and bicyclists had significantly more anandamide in their blood after exercising, with the greatest increase among the runners.

Equally important, as Dietrich already knew, anandamide doesn't have a blood-brain barrier problem, the way endorphins do. if you've got anandamide in your blood, it's going to reach your brain, where the cannabinoid receptor will hungrily grab it and give you a nice buzz. "Anandamide is a tiny little fatty acid that crosses the blood-brain barrier like nobody's business," says Dietrich.

Anandamide does more than just get you high. It also dilates your blood vessels and the bronchial tubes in your lungs. both of these physical adaptations should help you run better and longer.

This makes perfect sense to Dietrich.

Not to mention myself. This is an article that first explained why endorphins can not be the cause of this so-called "runner's high." But now, we know the truth! :)

Impatiently waiting

For four o'clock, when I can leave the world and find some inspiration more than folding yellowish-orange, pink, and white paper and stuffing them in envelopes.

don't let 'em slip away!!!

7:30 beautiful day, no one to play catch with (baseball), or football or frisbee....
Hmmm....
7:45..... day can't last......
8:00-8:30...
that's 3 more miles you can't take away and one more day I didn't let just simply fade... away..

Note to self:

If you want to get giddy dizzy, like being high (if that's what it feels like):
at 5:30, eat a scrambled egg and 3 smallish to normal-sized lemon blueberry pancakes made of a mix bought at Banff. (With real maple syrup of course).
then at 8:00 run about two miles.
If you want to get worse dizzy, like, "oh, my head", and "whoa, I might fall over",,,,,,,,,, keep running.

However,,,, it hasn't felt that good in quite some time :)

Boston

We paid a scalper $250 so that we could get tickets to stand in Fenway.
It was worth it, even if the Twins sucked. again.
However, I am glad that we won't HAVE to try to get in again,,,
Went to the Museum of Fine Arts and Bill (he's amazing) wanted to see everything. We were there for over 4 hours and didn't
The JFK library was of course interesting and I had a lot to learn (I knew nothing but the fact that he was shot) I even decided that I would like to see all the Presidential Libraries {here's a shocker, even GWBush's if he gets one} just because there is so much to learn at them.
We had a dinner cruise along the harber with others at the trade show. It was good, I ate lots of veggies, and carrot cake! We also sat with Bill's bosses and their wives and another of their coworkers and drank. We hung out with them after the cruise as well and drank. Never knew people could get so schloshed with their bosses and get away with it.
The two days it was incredibly hot I didn't go outside (except that evening of the cruise)
I took a GRE practice test and did a lot better than the first one. I guess I just need to have pressure (I timed this one)
We got to watch the Twins/Yankees game that Julie A. went to because it was on ESPN
We climbed to the top of the Bunker Hill Monument and felt it in our legs for the next 3 days.
I had dinner with my mother in law and two guys next to us just started talking. We had a fun conversation (I thought). it was nice, they were Bostonians.
This trip of course reiterates the fact that from what I have observed, Spanish people are just generally NOT personable, and it's not just big cities, because Bostonians are quite friendly
Oh we also sat next to a young man from Columbia and he says the exact same thing about Spaniards (yes, he's been there also)
Boston, you should go.

we are, we become

She feels herself fading
As time

Consumes

Her heart beats out the seconds
In this wasteland
Of fear, dispair, sadness, and gloom
and
HOPE

She can't see through the looking glass
Or past the lonely years

That were cleansed in the darkness
By her saltless
Tears

Her breath becomes a melody
The air is but a chime
The wind only whispers
Goodbye

Hi, Mom!

I just wanted to say hi! I know you read this once in a while :) Hi to Dad too, but I am not so sure he reads this.
That's all.
Oh, hi everyone else that reads this too!
PS. I'll call you when we get home from Boston. (Just Mom and Dad)
Probably we'll talk before I go too.
haha this is like an email!
Oh, for all you who didn't know, Bill and I will be in Boston :) from this Saturday till the next.

To Nicole: more work woes

Laura: Good afternoon, Academic Affairs.
Stupid girl: Hi, actually, I'm calling you because I can't find any other number. The number for the general information at BSU isn't working anymore? It's not listed?
Laura: Ummm, what number did you call?
Stupid girl: 751-2001
Laura: I don't know.. 751 or 755?
Stupid girl: The phone book said 751.
Laura: Yeah, I don't know I've never tried to call it. Can I transfer you somewhere?
Stupid girl: Yeah I'm trying to get a hold of *some prof. Ed. professor*
Laura: OK, I can give you his number, but then I'll transfer you to the Pro. Ed. department because they'll be able to help you more than I can if he's not there.
Stupid girl: OK...

Then Laura transfers her and looks up Bemidji State University in the phone book. 755-2001
WOW

I have nothing to say. I just finished taking the first section of the first practice test for the GRE. It's gonna suck. I have to go. I need to run, and the other worker is here. You should check out her blog: thisweighsonme.blogspot.com
you can see what we have to put up with at work.

brown grass and a significant pull

They're watering the sidewalks again. And by doing so, me as well.
I just visited the University of Iowa. The grass was brown. It switched from my number 2 choice to my number 1
(Especially after I saw the sprinklers at Madison the next day).
Green, green grass is not the only thing that makes a campus beautiful.

more good

OK, I have another thing to let you all know about that was really cool. I thought.
So I was riding my bike home from the bank yesterday and ... wait I gotta see when the Twins play and if they're on TV ... OK thanks.
Anyway, the light on 10th and Bemidji Ave. is really quick, and it was green but I knew it'd turn soon. It did, yellowy-orange, oh no! So I hurried and did something I NEVER do... rode over the curb! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! I hate going over the curb. Of course, as happens whenever I go over any significant bump (which I didn't think of obviously) my stupid bike pump fell off. Well, as I said the light was yellow... I couldn't just run back into Paul Bunyan Drive in the middle of the afternoon to get it.
Anyway, this man in a red minivan didn't go. He just waited. He pissed off everyone behind him by not going when the light was green. And I just watched from the other side of the road. One amazing thing to me, is that only one person honked, and I mean there were a lot of cars... they all just passed him and drove really close to my poor stupid bike pump and he protected it until the light turned red for him and green for me. What a nice thing. He saved that wreched little pump that always falls off in inoportune times. I like that about this region. Minnesota, they're nice :)

Español

Quiero escribir en español. Lo siento. No es malo, pero mis amigos no pueden leerlo. Posiblemente, Brandon pueda traducirlo para Julie, y otra Julie pueda leer otras palabras. Quiero hablar con fluidez. Creo que escribo bastante bueno, pero hablo peor. Siento que mis amigos no hablan español, pero encontraré algunos en la próxima universidad (espero). Pero no voy a dejar atrás a mis amigos/as de hoy. Esto os prometo.

go veggies yeah!

I have this friend that I feel a hundred times closer to since we've been in different towns (not to mention different countries) for over a month. What the heck?
Distance, while rather inconvenient at times, isn't ALWAYS terrible.
But I hope to see you again soon!! Oh wait, I will this weekend. Lovely.

learn/teach, teach/learn

My mom said, "You learn so much when you teach."
She used to teach in HS, Special Ed. (I figured that out during high school after years of thinking she taught English)
She also has taught in college....... and me.
JULIE, AMY, back her up. Cuz I love learning, and I want to teach, and so, back her up for me! Shout it out cuz it's true!!!!!! :) YAY for us. (Especially those of us who are already there) I've got another year... just one more year... (unless I don't get accepted to any grad programs, in which case I will bitterly become depressed for the rest of my life. Not really, I'll run and paint and then my bitterness will desolve with the passing of time and life will go on and I'm a dork).
But I am excited about teaching and learning, and learning and teaching. And eating TVP and TSP. :)

kids

I went to KC for a couple Twins games. But we also went to the Truman Presidential Library. OK you all know that I have my political opinions and things but historical knowledge I am lacking. Wasn't sure how interested I'd be in this whole Library deal.. I mean, in the first place, it's called a LIBRARY. ?? I don't go to libraries (at least not till I get to grad school... that'll be a different situation for me... interesting).
But anyway first there was a 45 minute film and it was good, interesting, and it kept my interest. Good job. That's all I really needed, but I walked around the museum and other things caught my attention too. I mean, of course the biggest thing he's known for are the bombs, but he did so much more, good things. Like, he was advised against recognizing Isreal just because it would jeopardize our oil supply. Hmmmm,,, but he recognized it anyway because it was the right thing to do..... Wonder what our esteemed leader today would have done? I know I know it's speculation and my opinion all wrapped up in one, but seriously, what do you think?
Anyway that wasn't even the point of this blog. I meant to just tell this one story... As I was walking through this museum, set up chronologically, I came upon the entrance to "Europe during the war years" Not a pretty scene. This young boy, probably about 10, ran up there real fast and just stopped short, turned around, and said "I think I'm not going in there."
Why can't adults be more like children sometimes. Their intincts are maybe smarter than our minds.

This morning

Moving
It was a painting, but not
I looked into it and saw the blues and green and greens and greens and browns and the little white specks that dotted the edges and the quacking brown dots as well. The freshness of the hues and deepness of the tones and shades and tints all surrounded my surrendered body.
Breathing
Why do people ask me why I run?

chocolate/nuts

Working on the last dark chocolate covered almond--life sometimes is better

And I even read in Men's Health (Bill's), that eating dark chocolate once a day can decrease your chance of getting diabetes by making your body do something that makes it more resistant to whatever it is that makes you get it, so I figure with my weird blood-sugar thing that I got from my mom (but it's OK, I forgive you) I should try it.

Besides, Mom, because of you I get to spend way too much money on probably the most delicious food in the world after raw carrots and peanut butter,,, and really crunchy-juicy red apples. Yum.

Recap, not re-, just Cap

Haven't let you know what's up since the day Bill got to Madrid:
-Ate really good however full of olive oil food
-Just, were, together---finally
-Did I tell you all I got strep throat in Salamanca? It sucked, really bad. Wanted to speak English with someone I knew and trusted. Couldn't call my sister because I was sleeping at 2am when I'd have to call to catch her, couldn't call Bill ,, could, never answered his phone, Couldn't call my mom, she was in Madrid, tried to call my mother-in-law, she had taken a day trip to the cities.....sucked.... ....... didn't cry.
-Ate Cuban food, really good, already tried to make fried banana chips, wasn't the same. but good
-walked around Madrid- a lot- saw the royal palace and the royal armory (Bill loved it)
-got bus tickets to Segovia (using Spanish of course)
-Went to Segovia
-leaned against the most well-preserved Roman Aqueduct (didn't even know Rome was that far out),,, for a hard rock concert (I've seen better) but the situation was awesome.. That was on our Anniversary
-for dinner that night, we went to a vegetarian restaurant in Segovia that the really nice guy at the visitor center who spoke English recommended. Then we saw him and his girlfriend there.
-had a hostal at least 2 miles away from the center of Segovia. Made a nice hot walk, especially in the afternoon. I think I almost died. No, not really.
-It rained the day bill got there...rare and wonderful (only 1 other time)
-Got lots of nuts and trail mixes and I fell in love with corn nuts--not those gross processed ones you find here, but real, big ones.
-bought delicious fruit and cherries from fruit stores
-discovered that i like drinkable yogurt
-really REALLY missed my raw carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower (not anymore! bought lots)
-had a smoothie made from a fruit they call acerola and we call haw,,, never heard of it before,,, in the plaza mayor in Madrid
-went to the Prado, 3 times (once with Bill)
-laughed about the name of a band that was performing in Segovia (Ska-P), then saw them and it was AWESOME,,, later bought the CD on amazon.com
-Took the renfe (train) to Toledo from the station Atocha (one that was bombed last year)
-discovered why it got bombed,,, absolutely no security,, hello people,, but then in all the years it has been there and all the days people move freely in and out, it has been bombed,,, once
-bought and ate delicious european chocolate.
-drank a lot of wine (about the same price as water) GOOD wine, and ate delicious olives with the pits and "frutos secos" Nuts, people, nuts
-drank Cava (same as champagne, just made in Spain, not Champagne, France)
-discovered the best restaurant in the world.. vegetarian,, but had free-range chicken and also fish... got a shot of honey rum from the Canary Islands after dinner,,,free. YUM.. through this restaurant we discovered a new food that is pure protein and zero meat... we already made it. It's in Madrid, worth the trip just to go there,, GO
-Had rude people be rude to us in the Prado, only bad part about it...Man Spanish people are generally rude... way to go Kamran beating the shit out of those guys. ha ha.
-Maybe not rude, just have a different attitude about themselves, and yes I've traveled in the states a lot and have been to MANY large large large cities, even bigger than Madrid,,, remember, I went to Buenos Aires in January.... not rude, and Mexico City is hard to beat when it comes to population. So I have justification all you arguers out there. *(Bill)*:)
-saw cathedrals and synagogues and museums and life in general and took siestas almost every day (still do, but trying to get over the habit) and lived and loved and fell in love and cried in the airport when we had to come back and flew over the ocean and didn't fall in and noticed a man sitting kitty-(not catty)corner from me in the plane reading "Angels and Demons" (which I read in Salamanca) and then noticed that same man sitting across the aisle from me from Newark to Minneapolis........ and now I'm back and eating raw veggies and more olive oil than I used to and trying to remember those things I love about this country and wanting to go to Brigid's Cross and excited to see Kauffman Stadium this weekend and the Twins of course and my parents and sister and Jeremy, and excited beyond belief for August when I will see my other brother-in-law and looking forward to but nervous a small bit about college visits (at least one next week) in Iowa, still waiting to hear from Madison and Illinois (Urbana-Champagne, NOT Chicago)... and missing my friends because reading blogs is fun and interesting but not as fun or interesting as them.
Love you all can't wait to hang out again...Or go back to Spain

Bill´s here!

Yay! Finally a change of roommate! I had to wait for him for over 2 hours in the Madrid airport, but it was worth it! Tomorrow we´re hitting the big museums, and the next day we´re off to Segovia for 3 days....over our anniversary! We´re getting a bottle of wine, a loaf of bread, and some cheeze for lunch and eating it under the Roman aquaduct.. .. then we´ll probably go out for a nice dinner....since we´ll have such a cheap lunch! ahhhh,, i found a place that has good vegetarian dishes along with meat... so we´re eating there for supper tonight :) Hmm,, paying for internet here is really expensive.. probably won´t be updating until I get home. . . not sure if anyone´s reading these anyway! Probably Amy and Julie. . .ummmm you should comment. ummmm.. I can´t think of anything else to say, and I want to go to the plaza mayor to show bill and find out about buses to Segovia. Hasta luego!

última día en Salamanca

Hola todos,
This is my last day in Salamanca. i´m sad, cuz I love the town, but that means that I finally get to see Bill soon! yeah!!! I miss the boy tons and tons. I have learned a lot, as I´m sure I mentioned before, and I am sort of sad to say goodbye to this town. But maybe I´ll be back someday.. Maybe I´ll be taking students here! For some reason, I just can´t find much to blog about over here... I am thinking of other, funner things. But hey, even though I probably won´t be home for one weekend all summer after I get back, I am looking forward to hanging out with everyone this summer!

Hola de nuevo

Hi again todos.
I hope again that the summer is going great for all of you. My parents have been here since last wednesday, and they leave tomorrow morning. I have one week and a day left here in Salamanca, then it´s off to Madrid again to wait for Bill. And i can´t wait! I am still learning a ton and enjoying pretty much everything here... except the dry dry dry hot hot hot air when I try to run! I will look forward to the moisture in the air in Minnesota, if nothing else. What else. I don´t know, I just thought I´d let everyone know what was up. Oh, haha, my parents have been invited to supper at my house tonight! We´re just killing time before we go. We eat at 9:30. Tonight we´re having Tortilla Española,,,,it is egg and potatoe and it is awesome! It will be good for them to try something truly spanish,,, and homemade! My señora is a really good cook, so that is awesome for me,,, i was really nervous. Not much else for now.. I might not update till I get back, but you never know. See you in July!

Salamanca

¡Hola de Salamanca!
It is so awesome here! I want to live here. Well, if I had to live here I wouldn´t complain. It is a pretty big town though. I hope everything is going well in the states. If I never return, sorry and I´ll miss you all. But you should come out here to visit me sometime :) No I am kidding, Bill would never let me stay here! Spain is wonderful. To compare it to Argentina, is sort of impossible because they really are different, but the Argenitine people are more friendly. I love the siesta and the tapas. Basically, tapas are small dishes of food that you get when you´re hungry in the afternoon. (or you can get a couple and have it for lunch) :) What else. Oh I met Alvaro, who is a friend of my friend in Bemidji. He lives here and is super nice.. even bought me an ice cream cone. But he wants to work on Enlish and I on Spanish, so it works out pretty well. Plus he showed me around town and now I know about more stuff. (don´t worry Bill, I still love you!!!) My parents are coming out on Wednesday, which is so cool I can´t wait they´ve needed this for a long time.. I mean to get out of the states. There is even going to be a Baroque market when they are here! Plus it will get me out of the house and give me something to do NOT with my roommate. She´s nice and all, just not really like me. But it´s a good experience (I guess). Our host family is super nice and the mother is an awesome cook! My worst fear has turned out to be bogus!!! I love most of the food. Oily, yes, but edible. The eat lots of vegetables (cooked) and fresh fruit every lunch and dinner. Perfect for me isn´t it. Plus, they are really sensitive to the fact that I don´t really eat meat. Although they raise it a lot differently here and so it doesn´t bother me much. Oh, yeah, classes are going good so far, although we´ve only had two days. Somehow I was placed in the top class. I guess I did better than I thought on the test thing. It is really good for me though because it really forces me to use what I know and I know I will improve a ton. Um, that´s all I want to say for now. Hasta luego y que tengáis un buen día.

Language

Like, I didn't even write a thing about language. (Besides that little blurb on my name and all). Language is so imperfect. It's a terrible means of expression. But for so many it's all we've got. No. It's not. but for some of us it's all we use. And therefore it's all we've got. language is a construction that was developed by humans. What does that mean? Not that it sucks and everything humans do is destructive and meaningless. only that it's not perfect. So as you read my blog, remember, no as you read anything, ever, in any language, remember that it is in a language, and therefore it's not. it does not exist in a language as it does in a feeling or emotion or a thought. But we think in languages when we try to explain in our heads anything. And I'm trying to explain this in a language, so I'm gonna quit. Because I know what I mean and if you all think you do too, then that is awesome and I've done my work with it. Have a good day. Que tengan un buen día. :)

Idea

Well, that was an idea. "Idea", that's a Spanish word. You know, ever since I started understanding the Spanish language, I suck at English. No, not really, I'm just not as good as I used to be. Like, it took me over a week to figure out that "arquitecture" is not how you spell "architecture" in English. Oops. And what are we doing putting the comma on the wrong side of the quotes. Oh well. Anyhow, I originally planned on writing on the reason I have written the last few of my blogs on Spanish: language.
I think I won't though, maybe later.
The frase directly below my name on here is, "If beauty were in every aspect of our lives, there would be no need for art." Piet Mondrian said that. Un artista=imagine that. The thing is, he wanted to create art that would change society so that beauty would be in all aspects of our lives. Hmmmm... he aspired to be the last artist. Glad that didn't work out for him.
That phrase, more than anything, yo creo, makes me rejoice for all my lack of beauty. Within, without, you decide. It doesn't matter to me. I am beautiful, and I am not beautiful at the same time. And I see beauty, but much of the time (I openly, freely, and thankfully admit) I have a difficult if not impossible time finding beauty in some things. Sometimes in todas things (that hasn't happened for a while and I am thankful for that). Thank Dios, what would I do without art?
I liked how my blog looked when I wrote it all in Español. My sign-in name is a Spanish palabra. It seemed to be more fitting that I wrote in Spanish. "Veracidad" in English, if you follow the exact contruction of the word, means "truthy". not a word (there I did it again, the period on the wrong side of the quote thing). That doesn't make sense. Both sides of the quotes are part of the sentence. Why do we stick one of them out of it? Oh well I guess, as long as we know what to do and we all do it, right? Anyhow, the best translation we have is "truthfulness," which to me kind of sucks, but whatever. I had trouble picking my word because my favorite words in English either too closely resemble their Spanish counterparts, or the Spanish counterparts are ugly. Take the word "honesty" for example. This word fits both cases, "honesto." Ewww. Maybe Linguistics is a good place for me to go. Why I don't choose to study my own language, I don't know. Yes I do. That's too easy! I get bored with easy. But then again, I don't actually think it would be easy. I think I am just in love with exploration and developing my understanding of other cultures and ideas and reasons. This world is NOT America. And por Dios it shouldn't be.
OK why'd I do it. I don't really know for certain the reason I thought I'd write in Spanish. Some of my blogs are actually reactions to others' blogs, one person in particular. Sometimes they cause these feeling of something like "what the hell", or "uuugggh". Ha ha. That first time I wrote in Spanish was one of these reactions. You all don't know what you're reading. No, strike that, you know what you're reading, but you don't know what I wrote. You can't "read" my life. I believe I just proved that with my last few posts. I knew what I wrote. You didn't. Maybe I was also seeing if anyone actually wanted to know what I was writing. I found out that not many people did. Though I knew it would turn out that way. Maybe I used it to prove to myself that most people who read these blogs are mostly uninterested. They just want the most basic, shallow, and easy information they can get. Not everyone, but most by far. FAR. One of these minorities is I'm happy to announce my Mom. It should be that way. If you only want the information acquired from a blog about your daughter, that's not right. So I'm saying thanks to you, Mom. (of course for more than digging a bit deeper than a blog into my life and ideas and cares and aspirations). It's nice to know that a few others are out there that are either more curious or caring than others. :)
Along with that thanks, I want to say thanks to Amy, because I ran out on the Paul Bunyan Trail and I had to really really try, but I lost myself for a bit in time. So thanks.
That's not all I wanted to say, to be sure, but it's enough.

Lista

Estoy lista.
Para vivir, para llamar la casa de los Julies y no tener miedo de que G va a contestar. Porque casi todas veces que nosotras pasabamos juntas el tiempo, era muy extraño. Pero no más. Mi corazón está contenta. Él canta música tan bella, tan bella. Estoy lista para tener amigas/os que son amigas/os mías/os también. Nunca más voy a tratar y tratar y tratar y tratar y para nada. Nada. Estaba tan cansada del trabajo por esa "amistad". Pero no era esa. Ella tiene demasiado mucho en su vida. Yo no fui nada para ella. Espero que intenta a traducir esto y lo funciona. Estaré feliz. Chau.

la inspiración

Acabo de leer el blog de una amiga. Una amiga que no sabía se tuviera o no. No sé si ella piensa que soy su amiga. Pero no me importa porque nosotras somos amigas. Amigas. Si yo salgo de este pueblo para siempre. Si yo viajo a través de la oceana y nunca regrese, somos amigas. Seremos amigas para siempre, si es sólo por el tiempo que escribíamos, hablábamos, llorábamos, tocábamos la guitarra, corríamos en el invierno (e infierno!).
Yo recuerdo el año pasado cuando yo estaba deprimida y también borracha. Ella no me dejó correr sola. Ella corró conmigo. Jajaja. Guau.
Yo recuerdo mucho. No sé si esta amistad es perdida, pero siempre recordaré el tiempo que pasábamos juntos. Porque en estos mementos estaba felíz. Actualmente felíz.
Pregúntame lo cual yo escribí esta vez. Simplemente pregúntame.

Por qué

(even YOU know what that means)
Por qué leemos sobre otras vidas cuando sólo queremos saber. Si quieres conocer a mí, habla conmigo. Pasa tiempo conmigo. Habla conmigo porque no puedes leer mi vida. Nadie puede leer lo cual escribo, ni en español ni en inglés ni en cualquier otra lengua. Sí, es la verdad que las cosas que escribemos son parte de nosotros, pero no son nosotros. Estas cosas orígena en nuestros cerebros, pero mi cerebro no es mí por completo. Tengo un cuerpo, tengo piel, tengo pelo, tengo manos y ojos y pies y dedos (y dedos largos), y, lo cual yo creo que tiene el más importancia, tengo una sonrisa. Y, también, tu cerebro no es tú. Tus pensamientos son importantes, y son una parte importante de tú, pero no es tú. A veces parece que no son tuyos. A veces sé que mis pensamientos no son míos, pero vivo con esto. Vivo con mucho. A veces no quiero vivo, pero existo. Y voy a continuar existir porque eso es todo que es. Cuando no existemos, no hay nosotros. Sin nosotros este mundo no es el mundo. (Es posible que el mundo sea mejor sin nosotros), pero la verdad es este mundo puede ser mejor con nosotros. Tenemos que creer en esto, Todo depende de la esperanza. Nunca queda atrás la esparanza, Jamás.

Escribo lo cual quiero que sepáis. Pero en realidad, si quireís saber algo sobre mí, por qué no me llamaís. Para tí no te importa que siento. No te importa si me importe. Y esto está bien. Porque me vida es algo más que la vida. No, no es. El mundo es muchísimo más grande que todos. Si, más que tu y tu y tu y tu y vosotros . . . y vos. No te dés mentiras a tí. Que tengáis un buen día.

They say you can't buy happiness

BUT, let me tell you: "they" might be wrong. Long story, short version (I hope):
*^* If you know me pretty well, you know I'm going to Spain this summer. If you know me more than pretty well, you know that Bill is going to fly out on the day we're scheduled to come home, and we're staying for a week. OK, so, Bill out of a bit of luck and a lot of kindness was able to get a ticket for free, except the additional stupid fees they always attached, but flying to spain for less than 70 dollars isn't bad.. especially since he gets to fly back too. Anyway so he's got his ticket. I know the plane he's on on the way back, and I'd like to be able to get that same plane.
Wow, harder than you'd expect... it's freakin' expensive and the better rates are all gone....... so,,, just trust me, I had a really stressful 2.5 days,, and to make matters worse, Bill is in Dallas and I couldn't get a hold of him, and then during the mess my mom and I (and two different travel agents) were having the pharmacist decided to call and tell me that I'm not registered under my health insurance... Damnit, they already screwed up and we thought we fixed it. Well, Amy if no one else knows that I need insurance because I have an important prescription. OK that's beside the point. Anyway, I decide to start crying and then just forget the ticket for now and go to my art history review to think about the test I had today instead. (there's another story about how I got myself to relax and actually be just fine, but this one's long enough, maybe some other time). Anyway on the way back I called Bill who'd left a message and he said I should just get it...... longer story lots of details,,,, I got the ticket. whew! I picked my seats and then went on NWA's website to pick out his,,, didn't let me do it. tear. Called NWA and the awesome lady I talked to reserved seats next to mine. :) happy day. after stressful days!
So, I spent about, oh, at least 400 if not 600 more dollars than I REALLY needed to on this ticket, but I get to sit with Bill on the long flight home. :) we're both happy... and it's not like we wouldn't be if I hadn't gotten the ticket, but we're happier.... and I bought it...
I'm not so sure that's the same type of happiness "they're" talking about, but given the circumstances, I think I'd have bought Bill too. So, I think if you know enough, maybe you CAN buy happiness. They've been lying to us all along!!!!
if nothing else, find something happy to buy... or make, or sing or talk to today!!!

Alright, I get it

You don't think I can do it. I don't have the capacity or the means. Yeah, well, you don't KNOW me. You've hardly begun to meet me. Other people wanted me to learn math and science and English grammar and how to read and write and how to play floor hockey in a gym class full of boys who don't think girls can do anything. And you know what, I learned it all. And I learned it all better than the average person. Now I WANT to learn something so don't you go and tell me that I can't. I'll get pissed and prove you all incredibly wrong. If I want something I work for it. I wanted to learn to paint so I found people who could teach me. I wanted to learn guitar so I found someone who could help me get started. I wanted to run so I found friends that run to get me started. But you know what, after the initial start I did it myself. Now I've found something that I've already found someone to help me start, AND I've got people to help me all the way. So DO NOT tell me I can't do it. You'll see. And then you'll see you had nothing--because you never knew me.

phone calls

I got a couple phone calls yesterday that made me feel good. First, Julie G called and said, "Let's barbeque Friday" (is that how you spell that?) My reaction, Um, OK! yeah! I love grillin' and chillin'. Plus, seeing Julie is a way added bonus, since very few weekends she's around, and when we get together rarely during the week, all we pretty much do is homework. So yeah Friday will be good. Whoever is reading this, you should come. OK, and then Amy called and asked if she could come to pick up our N64 or whatever it is today at 8. I had forgotten that she wanted it and it made me glad because I don't want it! And Bill seriously hasn't used it since we've been married, and maybe even before that I don't know. Unfortunately, we only have 4 games, two of which are pretty not good for the situation, and therefore only 2. How anyone with an N64 could not have Mario Bro's is absolutely beyond me! Oh well, at least we don't have the N64 anymore and I hope that it is helping kids out, even though all they get to play on it is Zelda. Hmmmm,, I'd have gone and bought Mario Bro's if I would have remembered . I have a test today in MIS. We'll see how that goes.. I don't really know what it's on but I got an A on the last test and I didn't really know what that one was about either,, although I knew it a lot better than I know this stuff. Hmmm,, wonder how I'd feel if I REALLY cared. Actually, I'd know how I'd feel and it would suck! Well, the Twins did pretty poorly yesterday. Go Santana tonight!
As an afterthought, another cool thing about the phone calls is that I actually got one, let alone two, from people other than my family (of course I like getting those calls too, it's just different)

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

It's SOOOO frustrating! You know the frustrating part though is that I let it frustrate me. It just gets worse then. Why do I care so much? Caring depresses me. No wonder so much is getting screwed up and not much is getting done. Everyone who cares is depressed. Whatever.

Useless Randomness

I just want to write sometimes.. . I don't want to be bothered about putting a title on every blog. I mean I know I don't HAVE to, it's just THERE...... begging to be filled with something, anything. Hmmmm,, maybe mine should all be titled: "A messed up life, waiting to keep on being it". What? exactly, I don't know! Why should I put a title about something that is going to be so random anyway cuz that's how my mind works (you all know that!). Darn, now that I started going off on the title thing, I forgot what I was actually going to write. Maybe I should just write my thing first and then worry about a title. Maybe they should do it like for novels when the writer'd send in a copy and then the publisher would title it... you all should title these things of mine (although I'm not sure I'd want to know what it'd be!!!) Yeah, of course, that sometimes gives away the whole story (Like Tolkien's "The Return of the King") Duh, people wouldn't have known that Frodo was gonna destroy the ring if you didn't name it that. yeah he was pissed,,,, and rightfully so! Hm, perspectives are quite weird. And it's coming up all day today.. Not really I guess, only in my head. But seriously a downer could be a super-up for someone else,,, and the other way around. (who needs vice versa anyway?) Well shit. I've said too much useless randomness for a few days. Chau! I'm gonna change the title now.

To Kamran

Hey I remember part of my dream last night and I thought you'd like to read that i was trying to explain the "natural" and "phenomenal" world. I don't remember anything else. Guess I'm a philosopher at heart. . . at least when I'm not conscious!

ANWR

I knew basically nothing about ANWR until Bill did a research paper on it. Now I know that even if all the oil there was taken at once, it would only last us 6 months. A HALF A YEAR! So, going in and showing the world how absolutely careless we are about environment and animals and how self-centered and greedy we are just to get us oil for a half a year (and probably less than that)--that's just stupid. By the way, I believe we are still lower on the food chain than polar bears. . . maybe it will take some oil driller getting eaten before the senators who think we oughta go in there will learn. That is sad. Of course, they'll probably decide to go kill them all first so that it doesn't happen, , , bastards, what do you think we have the wildlife reserve there for in the first place? AND, why is it that the public doesn't know this stuff???? That's the main question. I don't think even the most money-hungry people would agree to 6 months worse or less. But then, I'm not the most money-hungry (or oil hungry) person. aaaaahhhhhhhhgggg!
I can vent to Bill about this, and he vents back. It is nice. Have a day!

They sold the van!

Yay, my parents sold their van yesterday. But the best part is they replaced it with a Toyota car. It's a big one, that gets good gas mileage. :) their daughter is happy for them, but for the van and the car! I kind of like this blogging thing as a time killer at the end of work when I'm really sick of sitting here and really hungry and I don't have anything on my mind. Might as well write it down! haha. Anyway, a good friend got into grad school in Chicago so he's bringing Scotch over to our house to share with Bill. He'd probly share with me too, but maybe I'll drink something else.... Spring break is good. I guess. Nothing much special. I went skiing and spent time with my parents and ate too much really good food. And I even got to spend an evening w/ an uncle. Now I'm back and working all day wed thurs and maybe fri. Gotta get some extra cash for the trips this summer. Oh darn. time to go.

When two people

come together from such different backgrounds--no matter how "same" they may seem--it's really quite crazy. It is a big deal to both of us, and we both have seemingly opposite views. We talked about it. Kind of in our forceful determined ways (especially me) no, i think it just seemed like it was me more than he. But anyway, after the whole thing I apologized. Because it IS a big deal, and lots of people don't see things the same as me. It is difficult to for many--even me when I didn't have my mind set on it in the first place. This morning I came home from class and he apologized. I had no clue why. He didn't need to apologize, i did. All that really came out of it was that we both learned that we really do agree. We are both passionate about what we're feeling and sometimes, yes, we forget to stop and look CLOSELY at the other side (as much as we do try). Ah, anyway, he went to apply for his passport today.

Thin

I feel thin. Not skinny. I don't mean that. I mean i emotionally feel stretched, drawn out. do this do this do this do this. And when you're not "doing" anything, don't do nothing because then you don't do the stuff that you want that others aren't telling you to do (art, music, etc. . .) and that makes me depressed. damnit. Sometime I'll feel more compact again. At least I think I will. I should. I think a lot of things, and I've learned that a lot of times I'm wrong. Most of the time. In fact, I'm right so little that I usually am wrong about that. Believing is a hard thing for me to do. Everything happens for a reason-life is short-it'll get better soon-if it's not OK it's not the end. Maybe everything DOESN'T happen for a reason-life is short until depression hits and i tell you what: it's not short enough-what'll get better soon?-many things end that don't feel OK, but they end, and it turns out it's better that way. if it's not OK maybe it SHOULD be the end. who are we kidding? Wow, that whole thing sounds messed up. which is strange because I'm actually feeling really good right now. Just thinking I guess. Yay, time to go home and do more stuff.

This weekend

Sweet, we're watching movies, and eating delicious (spelled correctly) popcorn, and enjoying company of friends. Can't wait!

Yay, it is almost time for me to leave work.. Unfortunately today that does not equal it is time for me to go home,, , but that's OK< it's another step in the right direction. I have nothing to say again, just some time to kill at work. about 3 minutes anyway. Blanca tried to explain something philisophical in Translation class today. Thanks to Kamran I got what she was trying to explain, but most of us were bewildered and mainly confused. She is not a philosopher, so she can't be blamed! Ah, anyway. I see in front of me tons of work to do this week again. it wouldn't be so much if I weren't going places on the weekend (I don't have to explain this to Julie G, do I!?) Oh well, I will get it done. It always seems to end up that way. I'm gonna go now. Have a good day. Keep being yourself, unles you don't like that person; then do what you can to change!
Sólo cuando te amas puedes amar el mundo.
(just smile and nod,,, and agree)

whole lot of not much

Um, I'm compelled to write, but I have nothing to say. Is that weird? That's OK so am I! I have recently had to shift my workout/day schedule plans,,, that sort of sucks, cuz I liked how it was. But i'll make it work. now maybe Julie and I can go together.. That wouldn't suck. I had my first art history 2 test. I'm not gonna say I nailed it by any means, but I think i did OK. And I should have after all the darn studying i did.. Julie G, you know how it is! I think I even did more than I did last year. That's a lot. We need to go to a coffee shop again and do homework (or not) again sometime soon. Especially when it's nice enough to walk. That was a good time. My sister and Jeremy got back from their honeymoon,, she said it was awesome (how could it not be, right?) This weekend I think we're going to go help them move into their new house! Yay exciting. It all deepends on the physical and mental state of my husband.. He is in San Antonio this week, he traveled to Illinios last week, and Monday he has to be in Wisconsin Rapids. . . I'm a little concerned over his health. . traveling can really wear ya out! The next weekend we have a wedding. It should be better than the last because we have a room in the hotel, so if I am not having fun, I am not stuck there sober like last time. Not the last as in my sister's , that was obviously awesome... . the last as in the other one of his friends'!!! Anyway, that was all just what I thought up when I felt like writing. Whatever. Have a bright and cheery day!

Last I heard, America had claimed independence from its king, no?

You hide behind your screen
Tell and say and shout and scream
Lies aren't real if you don't know
So you don't find out and
Say it so. . . S...L...O...W..
Slow and sincere are not the same
But we let you play your stupid game
King of the mountain there you are
Climb us higher to fall so far
You get no thanks you've got no mind
For truth and justice just for the kind
Of moral values gone to hell
While you try to rule us with your spell
We've terror in our hearts
It's in our ears and in our eyes
But all we fear is just the blind
Not those whose eyes can't see
But those who turn from misery
So they don't notice in front of them
That the real problem comes from within
Their cold hearts and ignorant minds
But you don't care cuz now's YOUR time
Well our time's comin and you better flee
Cuz watch what happens, yes you'll see
The world and it's people TRULY free.

part of a bright eyes song

This is part of a Bright Eyes song.. sorry, i don't know the singer's name or the title of the song, but i agree w/ it! ::

Well my teachers they build this retaining wall memory
All those multiple choices I answered so quickly
And got my grades back and forgot just as easily
But at least I got an "A," so I don't have them to blame.
Well I should stop pointing fingers--reserve my judgement
Of all those public action figures--the cowboy presidents
So loud behind the bull horn, so proud they can't admit
When they've made a mistake.
Well poison, it spews from a speach writer's pen
He knows he don't have to say it so it...it don't bother him
Honesty Accuracy it's just popular opinion
And the approval rating's high
So someone's gonna die.
Well ABC NBC CBS bullshit! They give us fact or fiction
I guess an even split.
And each new act of war is tonight's entertainment
We're still the pawns in their game
as they take eye for an eye until no one can see
And we must stumble blindly forward repeating history
Well I guess we all fit into your slogan on that fastfood marquee
Red blood and white skin, oh and the blues
Oh and the blues I got the blues,
That's me!

happiest ever

Last weekend was the happiest time in my life (for another person). I mean I've been happy before, but this was just different and amazing. My sister got married for those who didn't know. I actually got teary at the ceremony. I don't know why, it was just so moving or something. You know what it was.... when they lit their unity candle they had "It's time to say good-bye" and then they each gave a white rose to the mothers. and it was the violin, I love violin! Isn't it funny that they had "It's time to say goodbye" as their song at that time,,, it was so beautiful though! Perfect. That's how the whole day was... PERFECT. I couldn't have had a better time, I swear. It was so awesome and I got to spend time with Kari, one of my bridesmaids that I never see hardly cuz she lives in Grand Forks.. and that was good too, but just the atmosphere and the grandness of the whole affair was so awesome. If you don't know how my wedding was, it was quite tiny.. a little chapel in the woods and then a pretty small reception at the country club. It was perfect too, but just to contrast the two... They had almost 400 people at their wedding and more at the reception. The ceremony was in a big, beautiful church in Fargo, and their reception was in the Crystal Ballroom in the Ramada. I won't tell you how much it cost for just the room for that night, but it was more than my whole wedding cost (I'm pretty sure) and that includes the dress! It was SPLENDID. Haha, I used splendid. OK, now I'll quite bragging for my sister and brag for myself.. I had to give a toast! Holy cow that's a lot of people to give a toast in front of! But I did a good job! Thank God,,, i was SO nervous. OK< I will shut up I am sure you're all bored!

A song for the rights

You know how I'm always talking about my left brain eating time away from my right brain? Well, let's give our left brains a break for a while and write a song. or just sing a song. Or draw or paint or dream (not in the logical way, like, what is the meaning of life, because it's gotta be logic) That doesn't really work I don't think, although I shouldn't say that because I've spent such little time doing it. Haha.. maybe i should try, but then I think I'd get my head all hurting and all imbalanced. Whatever.. let's write or sing, or both :) How 'bout tonight

Rich School

OK I have a really bad, um, I think it's a simile or something. America is like the "rich school." You all know what I am talking about. Take Duluth East for example. Who likes Duluth East besides about 1/2 of the kids who go there? Maybe more than 1/2, I don't know, but whatever. See, we all "hate" them because they are richer than we are. They have more stuff, they recruit their sports teams. They have the money to do that kind of stuff. I mean they even have a high school dance team. Come on people! The thing is though, not all people who go to these rich schools like them. They have trouble with the people who are the stereotypical "rich kids." Take Kamran for example, he is one of these people who don't like their high school or town or people in it,,, for the most part. Eagan is another "rich school" and he is living proof that not all the kids in there fit the stereotype. Well, if you were from a country other than the U.S. wouldn't you hate us too? What do we have that you don't,,?? Money. The means of doing all this stuff that is sometimes really not needed. I mean, we even destroy the earth more than the rest of the world thinks is OK, why? Oh because then our president (unfortunately it is who it is) can get more, what? MONEY. you got it! Fortunately, not everyone in the country is the stereotypical "rich kid" and many of us have issues with those of us who are..... but what does every other country see? Just what we see about the rich schools,,, the stereotypes. That is unless we leave the country and let others get to know us, but that doesn't happen very often. why? because sometimes the only ones who can afford to be on the international news and to actually leave the country are the ones with enough money, the "rich kids."

The other reason is that we want to wipe out every culture in the world and make everyone be American. But don't get me started on that just yet.

Right has awakened

Yay, I have woken up my right brain. And all I had to do was start painting. If only i knew. OK, I am sure I did know, but my left brain is sometimes too stubborn to step down for a bit and let me become balanced. Not that I'm balanced very often! But anyway I noticed last night that once my right brain wakes up, it is hard for me to put it to bed. . . I think it's because that side of the head takes no notice to time or anything really besides doing its thing. Any more questions about the oddities of artists? They are ruled by their right brain, see, they just do whatever it wants. And there's no problem with that because really the right brain is always in this sort of bliss. Thankfully, I have figured out that living there doesn't really work for me and wouldn't work for me. The drawback is that sometimes I can't let it control everything, and that my left brain gets to rule a lot. Logic and reality, who wants to live there? (Sorry Kamran!) I'm just kidding! You have to have a bit of both. Even when you think you can't draw or do anything artsy. It's not just visual arts anyway; you can sing, write, daydream (in a non-logical sort of way), act--and you all know we all do that once in a while! So anyway, what was I talking about (see what I mean about doing whatever it wants?) HAHA. I love you all, talk to you later! Have a really good awesome fun day, no matter what brain has you.

It Matters to Someone

Pick up a piece of the puzzle
Cry out loud
Search all around but don't
Make a sound
Fears won't hide between
Grains of sand
Something inside must
Take a stand

Leave unquestioned thoughts
Without space
Anger hides within a
Pretty face
Opened eyes
Start to cry
Only question with a voice
Simply "Why?"

Should it move?
Can it stay?
What will happen in a-
Nother day?
Pick up another
Throw it back
Will it matter? Now,
Go and ask.

Times are sad
What's it for?
The world can't change without
So much more
Ignore the hatred
Just throw on
The world will be changed now
For someone . . .

Not that I didn't have anything

Well, shit,
I was right... It's not that I didn't have anything to write about while I was gone,,, but rather that, why would I want to sit in a smokey locutorio and spend any more time than I had to writing English on the computer? NONONO... not that I fell in total and absolute love with Buenos Aires, but we weren't there the whole time... if we were,,,,,,,, it might have been different. I am sad to see that Amy's blog is gone,,, because I missed everything from the 21st of Dec... oh well. I guess I don't even know when it died, or zombied, whatever the case may be.
Anyway, I could write a book about my trip. but I'll just say that I went there (among MANY more things) to regain an appreciation for the US, for what we have here and for all that i know I take for granted... Well, it kind of worked itself backwards on me. I mean, I did realize a lot of what I have here and like about it here, but it only reiterated the parts of America that I hate.... to a much higher degree...AAAAHHHHHHHHH. Not that I'd want to live in Argentina, they don't even recycle!!! it nearly killed us to have to trash all our water bottles... :( But all said and done I'm mostly glad i'm back. I learned more than I could have imagined, and speak a ton better (still not well, but much better), and hell, I saw penguins, within a foot of penguins and that's no exaggeration! damn their cute... later!

damn the left

Don't worry all my democratic friends,, I 'm still liberal. I'm talking about my brain. I can't seem to stop the left side from taking over. But hell, I guess it's ok because I'm not done with finals and they all have to do w/ that side. And I'm sick, my mom says I have a VIRUS. Maybe it is a "Block-the-right-side-of-Laura's-brain-from-getting-any-thoughts-in" virus. Whatever, it sucks. I'm almost done w/ finals, and soon I'll be off to Argentina. I think my right brain will power itself right through on the way, and I will have no left brain left by the time I get there. That's OK, as long as I'm never alone,,,,, haha. Don't tell my mom or Bill I said that. They'd get scared. Anyway, I may not write at all until I get back. But who knows, sources say the internet is abundant and cheap down there. Not the internet, but access to it i mean. Whatever. I'll let you all know how cute the penguins are. have a good break! I will miss the winter :( But I"m sure it will still be here when I get back.

<> The best that I can

If anyone has read my blog, you may be interested in knowing the results of my struggle to NOT have a big vehicle in my garage (or yard, whatever the case may be) ((Which, by the way, has its own issues with me, but we're not getting into that today.)) Anyway, Bill asked for a more fuel efficient vehicle, and although it's not as much as I had wished, we're getting a four-door sedan instead of a Jeep Liberty. Which is good, don't get me wrong, the only thing is, it has to come from a Dodge dealership because they get good deals from them because they've always used them. I hate American cars... I know, I have one, but I wish I didn't and I can't wait till I can sell it and get a Honda (go Japan and most other countries who actually CARE about the environment and not just money!). Anyway, it is better than the Jeep, and who knows, maybe Bill will get another Brass Monkey to drive around.

Is it OK to feel bad?

OK, i got home today after my 10:00 class (because Jake and I don't have our 12:00 class, yay!) Anyway, Bill told me he felt GREAT and he was going to demand that UNASAT (his new job people) give him a more fuel efficient car. I know that this is because of me. I mean, not that he is going to demand it for me, but I have been talking about the environment and why I don't like SUV's and stuff. It was his decision and everything and I wasn't going to stop loving him if he drove the Jeep Liberty they were going to provide him with, but it's just that it's kind of against a lot that I believe in. But I am the one who's been talking about the environment and all that and how all we can do is the best that we know how. I feel so sucky sometimes because I know that I am part of what is destroying this earth and he didn't really understand because I really do try to protect it and waste as little as possible. It was like he thought I felt responsible for everything that is happening, and I don't, but I'm part of it. I think the part about doing the best that we know how is what got him thinking this morning. I'm really happy that he feels this way, but I don't know, I still feel bad for some reason. is that OK?

Strange things that come into my head while walking home from BSU

Have you ever been a friend to someone who's not a friend to you? It's interesting. Becuase you're their (yes I know that "someone" and "they" don't match, but I'm lazy and I don't care) friend, but it is hard to know if THEY know you're their friend and would really do things for them if they needed or asked. And sometimes you try to do stuff for them without them asking, but then you don't know if it was worth is because you don't see the results. It's sort of exhausting, really. Emotionally more than anything. You care so much and you hope they know that but you don't know it. And you also think they care too, but you certainly don't know it. And you want to keep trying to let them know that you're their friend and if they need anything that they can come to you, but maybe they don't want to come to you. Maybe they don't really want you as a friend anyway. But you don't know that. That's where it gets sticky and confusing. Strange: the things I think of walking home from the school.

You'll get it done right

That's what he said as he looked at the surgeon, after being told that the length and quality of his life would be increased by having this surgery, and then told of the risks involved: a heart attack during or after the operation, the chance of an infection or of getting something like pneumonia, the fact that he is eight years older and this is the second time,, both making the operation more risky even than the last time.
But that did nothing to his attitude. He looked at the surgeon, the same one he had before, eight years earlier, with the look in his eyes of having the utmost confidence and peace of mind, and he said, "You'll get it done right; let's do this."
Wow, I was amazed. Scared, yet amazed at the strength of him.
The operation was scheduled for 7:15 am yesterday, Sunday. I got a call at about 2:30 or 3:00.
"Grandpa got out of the operation and his doctor talked to him and he's doing fine. Grandma and Mom will be able to go see him in about a half hour, and that's all we know. These next two days are still real critical though."
Thank God one more time.

can't wait for the caramel apple drinks tonight!

Yay! Thank God we have only two days of school this week. Thank God that it is the last day of work at Roger's for Bill. Thank God we're going to my Grandparent's--and my parents and sister and Jeremy will be there--for Thanksgiving. Yes, it is a thankful Thanksgiving this year. I can not wait for hot apple cider and buttershots tonight. For the, I have nothing due until Nov 29th, and it's the 23rd! Of course I'll have to work on the stuff at my Grandparent's, BUT, I will not have anything else that I will really HAVE to do. Of course, Friday is my sister's second fitting for her wedding dress :) and I need to buy shower gifts for her, but other than that...
Not to mention the quality time I'll want to spend with my family and brother-in-law (almost)
Shit. Well, at least I'll have car rides, although I'm sure I'll want to listen to quality music. Oh well, at least I can do my stuff when GnR is on. haha.. I hope Bill doesn't read this! I'm sure I'll find time to get the stuff done. I have to! kind of. At least I have no classes! And anyway, this time spent w/ my family will unstress me, making the homework less a hassle and "easier?" maybe.. that will be good! I can't wait, and I hope EVERYONE has a great break!

How? you ask.

SHOOT! I wrote this on Friday, I guess I forgot to publish it...
I was going to be a mean little snot and say "I guess you'll have to wait and see." But now, I think I can say more . . .
Bit by bit; one by one.
I am going to save the world!

epiphany

I figured out how I am going to save the world

stages

I was thinking about this on my way home from school today. And I don't really understand what I'm saying, but I get it. Kind of. I figure that the reason I don't always feel inspired to blog. Well, I mean that there are spans of LONG TIMES that I don't feel like blogging, or drawing, or painting, or writing poetry, is that that side of my brain switched off. Not really, but is overpowered by other parts. The icky business part. But icky as it MAY be (i still think I can make some sort of difference (ethically or environmentally)) it is still me, just as much a part of me as the artist that creeps out a little more often then it should sometimes. I'm so damn flighty too often. Anyway, this semester I have no art classes. I have to do all the artsy stuff on my own accord. Which is good. I should, that means I truly do like it. I get tired of it though, sometimes. and I also get tired of Business. I don't ever get tired of Spanish, although I probably would if I did it enough. And it is rare that I get tired of running or working out.. . but I do. Anyway, all this comes down to is that I get confused sometimes because the stages that I go through change when they're not supposed to. Like right now! ahhh,, i have many things to get done for school this week. (side note: Yes, I know I may not be the busiest person in the world, you may be much busier, but that doesn't mean that i don't have things besides school and significant others and jobs going on in my life so don't belittle me because you've got more tests and appointments this week than I do.) Anyway, Here's the deal for my friends. I will be stressed and stupid next year, please do not expect me to be intelligent ever (even though I'm not right now). Because I will have the final touches of all three majors next year and trust me, they are ALL nothing alike. My brain will be so torn every which way and confused. haha,, it'll be fun!

nothing

I have nothing to write about really. Today is the big day we find out if Bill gets the "big job." I guess that's something. I secretly took out some of the TWO CASES of steaks (i only took out two steaks, we have plenty left) we bought for a surprise dinner,, just cuz it's pretty unrealistic that he won't get this job. Filet Mignon MMMMMMMMM. Hope everyone has a great weekend... maybe we can watch another awesome independent movie?? I forgot where everyone will be.. probably not anywhere near Bemidji. Oh well. Have a good time this weekend whatever you do!

I am not smart

You know what I don't like about myself. I'm actually not that creative. I can't really use my left brain correctly I think. You know those "thinking outside the box" logic test things? I can't do them.. I try and try and I can't figure them out. Well, that's kind of like what my Econ test was today. I can't think outside the box and that made me get 0-20 on a quiz. Suck. Anyway, I think it is outrageous to do that to students. I knew exactly how to work the problem, and I know the exact principles, but the problem had a lot more to do with thinking outside the box than with the way to work the problem. But then, we are in college and maybe I should figure out how to think outside the box that I have been kept inside all throughtout my presecondary and secondary educational life. Suck.

Detached

If I were detached. I think that's the only way I could be OK with things how they are now. If i were to detach myself from all things that I know are being wronged. If I knew no soldier, why should this war be wrong? Maybe it isn't anyway. For some reason I don't believe that. If it weren't my mom or dad, brother, sister, or friend over there, why would I see any reason why it shouldn't be? Why should I attribute a sense of realness, of wow, "just the same as you and me," to an "Indian," a "black," a "Latino," a homosexual, a young woman who has an intelligent mind of her own? if I knew none--if I knew none but from the view of "that person, wait, is it really a person?" If I were detached--if I took no time to look beyond what so many are trying to say to me, would any of this matter? Seems as though no. Animals? They don't matter. They are just here so that we can rule over them... If I were to think like that, is that when I wouldn't be bothered by all the things that are being done wrong to them. To people like you and me. To God's (and I don't care what you call God) creations. There it is again. I think I'm Christian?? If I think that all who don't believe in God in the Christian sense are flat out wrong, that what they think doesn't matter, would it all go away? Part of me thinks maybe, but the other part says that that can't happen. I already know a gays, I already know Chicanos, intelligent women, beautiful people of all races and cultures and beliefs. I've seen so many beautiful animals,, I have seen the strength of a dying doe, a doe giving her life so that she may be food to me. To ME. Do I need it, no. damnit. I can go buy something else. But I took her, and I respect her. RESPECT. That is something this world is lacking. Or at least the leaders of this country. Why on earth would I want everyone to be like me. I know me, I can't even handle one of me. Even if I could detach myself and not care, even if it would be the easiest thing in the world for me to do, I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to. Because deep down, I'd know what I'm missing out on. I think this country needs a little more acceptence and tolerance for differences. Our leaders need to see that if everyone were like them, we'd be living in a most awful world.

Sorry, I just watched "We Were Soldiers" with Bill, because he wanted to keep watching it, and it did nothing but piss me off. Absolutely.

Meat

We just bought two CASES of steaks,, (that's a lot of meat) Bill seems high. It's funny.

tear :.(

My mom--I love my mom, she's awesome. She's intelligent, liberal, and practical.. which sometimes (ok, a lot of times) I need. So I'm obviously disappointed today, so I called her. Here's what she had to say. First of all, she is too. It's just a pattern, it will swing back, it always does (here's hoping, i need this day to come). If this many people think that the way it is going is right, let's give it a try, maybe we're missing something (highly doubtful but anything to feel better, right?). The reason people take things like this so hard (I was crying today, yes, yes, actually close to bawling) is because they put so much emotion into things like this. I can't imagine how those who worked so hard on the campaigning feel.. I'm SO sorry. But then, the other side would've felt the same I guess. Here's what my mom is worried about. First, she's nervous about what the Supreme Court is going to look like. Yikes, 3 people to retire?? God help us, PLEASE. Second, it looks to her (and I agree) as though this country is going backwards from diversity. Hello Hitler. Holy scary! That my friend sucks. So anyway this morning I told Bill about the whales and penguins close to where I'll be going in Argentina who are going blind because of the freaking hole in the o-zone. I wasn't trying to make him feel bad or anything, just trying to make him understand why I'm so passionate about the environment and why I was crying crying crying this morning. Then all of a sudden he felt like crap because he hadn't the slightest clue that this kind of stuff was happening. Well, lots of people don't even BELIEVE it is happening. You know what.... nobody knows everything and has all the information. We will just have to keep on living and try to be patient and wait. I'm not so sure I can wait 4 years though, much less,,, more than 4!

Today, Nov 2

Ahhhhhhhhh,,,, when will it be OVER! I know most of you that would read this are probably even more sick of it than I am (being political buffs and all) but ahhhhhhhhh... you have spent the last 3+ years rubbing off on me and this campaign crap is driving me mad. Well, not really, but I can't wait for tomorrow. Actually, depending on the outcome of this crazy election, I may not want it to BE tomorrow. I am still prepaired to wear all black (except for my Twins hat, since I'll also be mourning the fact that they should've won the world series and they didn't even get passed round 1 - it's navy) Anyway, sort of like I get this burning frustration sensation inside me when I think of SUV's, I feel that when I think of all those who don't vote. I understand their reasons, but seriously, it bugs me that they don't think about all the stuff those who came before them had to go through to get the right to voice their opinions. All the crap they had to go through to make people see that they too are capable of making an educated decision (don't get me started on choice). I would love to scream sometimes. You know, after starting this blogging thing, I have come to realize just how absolutely random I am. WOW, no wonder I am so unbalanced (is that a word) sometimes. That, OK, and, I'm not gonna lie, but it is a bit difficult sometimes living with someone that doesn't seem to understand my point of view, and if I try to understand his, he gets frustrated trying to explain it and quits. I want to understand and last time we talked I think I was getting it, but then I rephrased it back to him and he said no. Well poop. We went to vote today and thankfully he didn't EXACTLY cancel mine out, however he also didn't really back it up. But it is OK to have people with different opinions on things, like Amy said,, it is good to have variety in peoples' opinions. But I must say, things like that last girls' night, where I can talk about things and understand others' points of view that I generally agree with,, those nights are good for me. So thanks my democrat friends!

Argentina?

Yes, i am going to Argentina! Ahh, I just got my passport "ordered", or whatever you do. Why? you may ask, as John Hatch did earlier today. i will refrain from saying "shut up" to you as I did him. (I thought he was being smart- - like "why would you want to go there?") Anyway, I am going for six Spanish credits. AND here comes the highlight--(those of you who REALLY know me realize just how much of a highlight this is)--I GET TO SEE PENGUINS! I think I've never been this excited in my life. Actually I have, it was in June of 2004, but after that I haven't. Anyway, I am so lucky and I realize that. I love to travel and see new things. And right around now I have the feeling of hating USA, so seeing a South American country will be good for me. I have been to Mexico and don't really want to go back. But I am glad I went because I have seen what I never had to see. (Does that make sense?) it does to me. Anyway, Chau for now. :)