Friday, April 17, 2009

My heart felt like it was getting squeezed

I do job placement. Sometimes people call our company and ask about our services. Sometimes no one is at the office but me so I answer these calls:
"Can you explain your services to me? Well, I have a daughter that I am afraid is making the wrong choice going to college for music and theater." (At this moment, Laura's chest begins to implode) "Do you discuss career choices with people?"

If you don't know me, yes, I majored in Spanish with a business minor, but my "real" major was ART. That's not even the point. I can't begin to explain the emotions going on here. I grew up with two parents who were 100%, vocally anyway, supportive of my TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSONALITY AND GOALS/VISIONS THAN THE REST OF THE FAMILY. At one point I thought one was scared that I'd be a starving artist, which is a "valid" "fear." But, this "fear" wasn't vocalized (I could be making assumptions here) and I wasn't stopped from going out and making my own choices and learning, A LOT, from the choices I made that were not forced or even really influenced by my parents. That's not accurate. They were influenced by my parents in as much as they were supportive of me throughout my life, so I felt that any choice I was making was legitimate and that I'd have their love and support. Am I wrong? No, I still have both their love and support. Ahhhh! Anyway, I digress.

Laura: "Oh, well, I don't know, but I have two cousins who are going to school, one for music and the other for theater, actually, and they are really happy."

Lady: "What are they doing with that?"

Laura: "Well they're in school. The theater major is interested in more of the directing aspect, like directing children's theaters. The music major is thinking of not just playing music but also going into more of the business aspect of it."

Lady: "Oh, well..." (Then I realized I didn't actually answer her question, oops, that ol' damn ego again).

Laura: "So no, we are a placement agency that works with Rehab--people with disabilities--we don't have that service. My best advice would be to talk to someone in Career Services at the college she is going to."

The rest is a blur because, as I alluded to with the title, I thought I was going to implode and then blow up and all my inside juices would really make a mess in my office. So then I just said to myself that I need to settle and just send positive energies to that poor young woman who I am sure is so talented!

Maybe what I should have told the lady is that when I graduated with an Art and Spanish major/business minor and got a regular, FT, corporate job that I suffered from anxiety and depression because all my life force was being siphoned out of me all because that's "what people do when they have a college degree." Is that what she wants for her daugher?

Doubt it--she's just concerned. Now I've wasted way too much energy on the negetivity of the day. It is FRIDAY! Wooo Hooooo!!! Earth Day Half Marathon tomorrow... wish me luck!!

Love and Light to all those folks, young and old, who are wise enough to know that no matter what you try to do or where you try to go, you're never going to get there until you follow you dreams!
And compassion to those who haven't understood us yet.

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