AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

It's SOOOO frustrating! You know the frustrating part though is that I let it frustrate me. It just gets worse then. Why do I care so much? Caring depresses me. No wonder so much is getting screwed up and not much is getting done. Everyone who cares is depressed. Whatever.

Useless Randomness

I just want to write sometimes.. . I don't want to be bothered about putting a title on every blog. I mean I know I don't HAVE to, it's just THERE...... begging to be filled with something, anything. Hmmmm,, maybe mine should all be titled: "A messed up life, waiting to keep on being it". What? exactly, I don't know! Why should I put a title about something that is going to be so random anyway cuz that's how my mind works (you all know that!). Darn, now that I started going off on the title thing, I forgot what I was actually going to write. Maybe I should just write my thing first and then worry about a title. Maybe they should do it like for novels when the writer'd send in a copy and then the publisher would title it... you all should title these things of mine (although I'm not sure I'd want to know what it'd be!!!) Yeah, of course, that sometimes gives away the whole story (Like Tolkien's "The Return of the King") Duh, people wouldn't have known that Frodo was gonna destroy the ring if you didn't name it that. yeah he was pissed,,,, and rightfully so! Hm, perspectives are quite weird. And it's coming up all day today.. Not really I guess, only in my head. But seriously a downer could be a super-up for someone else,,, and the other way around. (who needs vice versa anyway?) Well shit. I've said too much useless randomness for a few days. Chau! I'm gonna change the title now.

To Kamran

Hey I remember part of my dream last night and I thought you'd like to read that i was trying to explain the "natural" and "phenomenal" world. I don't remember anything else. Guess I'm a philosopher at heart. . . at least when I'm not conscious!

ANWR

I knew basically nothing about ANWR until Bill did a research paper on it. Now I know that even if all the oil there was taken at once, it would only last us 6 months. A HALF A YEAR! So, going in and showing the world how absolutely careless we are about environment and animals and how self-centered and greedy we are just to get us oil for a half a year (and probably less than that)--that's just stupid. By the way, I believe we are still lower on the food chain than polar bears. . . maybe it will take some oil driller getting eaten before the senators who think we oughta go in there will learn. That is sad. Of course, they'll probably decide to go kill them all first so that it doesn't happen, , , bastards, what do you think we have the wildlife reserve there for in the first place? AND, why is it that the public doesn't know this stuff???? That's the main question. I don't think even the most money-hungry people would agree to 6 months worse or less. But then, I'm not the most money-hungry (or oil hungry) person. aaaaahhhhhhhhgggg!
I can vent to Bill about this, and he vents back. It is nice. Have a day!

They sold the van!

Yay, my parents sold their van yesterday. But the best part is they replaced it with a Toyota car. It's a big one, that gets good gas mileage. :) their daughter is happy for them, but for the van and the car! I kind of like this blogging thing as a time killer at the end of work when I'm really sick of sitting here and really hungry and I don't have anything on my mind. Might as well write it down! haha. Anyway, a good friend got into grad school in Chicago so he's bringing Scotch over to our house to share with Bill. He'd probly share with me too, but maybe I'll drink something else.... Spring break is good. I guess. Nothing much special. I went skiing and spent time with my parents and ate too much really good food. And I even got to spend an evening w/ an uncle. Now I'm back and working all day wed thurs and maybe fri. Gotta get some extra cash for the trips this summer. Oh darn. time to go.

When two people

come together from such different backgrounds--no matter how "same" they may seem--it's really quite crazy. It is a big deal to both of us, and we both have seemingly opposite views. We talked about it. Kind of in our forceful determined ways (especially me) no, i think it just seemed like it was me more than he. But anyway, after the whole thing I apologized. Because it IS a big deal, and lots of people don't see things the same as me. It is difficult to for many--even me when I didn't have my mind set on it in the first place. This morning I came home from class and he apologized. I had no clue why. He didn't need to apologize, i did. All that really came out of it was that we both learned that we really do agree. We are both passionate about what we're feeling and sometimes, yes, we forget to stop and look CLOSELY at the other side (as much as we do try). Ah, anyway, he went to apply for his passport today.

Thin

I feel thin. Not skinny. I don't mean that. I mean i emotionally feel stretched, drawn out. do this do this do this do this. And when you're not "doing" anything, don't do nothing because then you don't do the stuff that you want that others aren't telling you to do (art, music, etc. . .) and that makes me depressed. damnit. Sometime I'll feel more compact again. At least I think I will. I should. I think a lot of things, and I've learned that a lot of times I'm wrong. Most of the time. In fact, I'm right so little that I usually am wrong about that. Believing is a hard thing for me to do. Everything happens for a reason-life is short-it'll get better soon-if it's not OK it's not the end. Maybe everything DOESN'T happen for a reason-life is short until depression hits and i tell you what: it's not short enough-what'll get better soon?-many things end that don't feel OK, but they end, and it turns out it's better that way. if it's not OK maybe it SHOULD be the end. who are we kidding? Wow, that whole thing sounds messed up. which is strange because I'm actually feeling really good right now. Just thinking I guess. Yay, time to go home and do more stuff.

This weekend

Sweet, we're watching movies, and eating delicious (spelled correctly) popcorn, and enjoying company of friends. Can't wait!