You'll get it done right

That's what he said as he looked at the surgeon, after being told that the length and quality of his life would be increased by having this surgery, and then told of the risks involved: a heart attack during or after the operation, the chance of an infection or of getting something like pneumonia, the fact that he is eight years older and this is the second time,, both making the operation more risky even than the last time.
But that did nothing to his attitude. He looked at the surgeon, the same one he had before, eight years earlier, with the look in his eyes of having the utmost confidence and peace of mind, and he said, "You'll get it done right; let's do this."
Wow, I was amazed. Scared, yet amazed at the strength of him.
The operation was scheduled for 7:15 am yesterday, Sunday. I got a call at about 2:30 or 3:00.
"Grandpa got out of the operation and his doctor talked to him and he's doing fine. Grandma and Mom will be able to go see him in about a half hour, and that's all we know. These next two days are still real critical though."
Thank God one more time.

can't wait for the caramel apple drinks tonight!

Yay! Thank God we have only two days of school this week. Thank God that it is the last day of work at Roger's for Bill. Thank God we're going to my Grandparent's--and my parents and sister and Jeremy will be there--for Thanksgiving. Yes, it is a thankful Thanksgiving this year. I can not wait for hot apple cider and buttershots tonight. For the, I have nothing due until Nov 29th, and it's the 23rd! Of course I'll have to work on the stuff at my Grandparent's, BUT, I will not have anything else that I will really HAVE to do. Of course, Friday is my sister's second fitting for her wedding dress :) and I need to buy shower gifts for her, but other than that...
Not to mention the quality time I'll want to spend with my family and brother-in-law (almost)
Shit. Well, at least I'll have car rides, although I'm sure I'll want to listen to quality music. Oh well, at least I can do my stuff when GnR is on. haha.. I hope Bill doesn't read this! I'm sure I'll find time to get the stuff done. I have to! kind of. At least I have no classes! And anyway, this time spent w/ my family will unstress me, making the homework less a hassle and "easier?" maybe.. that will be good! I can't wait, and I hope EVERYONE has a great break!

How? you ask.

SHOOT! I wrote this on Friday, I guess I forgot to publish it...
I was going to be a mean little snot and say "I guess you'll have to wait and see." But now, I think I can say more . . .
Bit by bit; one by one.
I am going to save the world!

epiphany

I figured out how I am going to save the world

stages

I was thinking about this on my way home from school today. And I don't really understand what I'm saying, but I get it. Kind of. I figure that the reason I don't always feel inspired to blog. Well, I mean that there are spans of LONG TIMES that I don't feel like blogging, or drawing, or painting, or writing poetry, is that that side of my brain switched off. Not really, but is overpowered by other parts. The icky business part. But icky as it MAY be (i still think I can make some sort of difference (ethically or environmentally)) it is still me, just as much a part of me as the artist that creeps out a little more often then it should sometimes. I'm so damn flighty too often. Anyway, this semester I have no art classes. I have to do all the artsy stuff on my own accord. Which is good. I should, that means I truly do like it. I get tired of it though, sometimes. and I also get tired of Business. I don't ever get tired of Spanish, although I probably would if I did it enough. And it is rare that I get tired of running or working out.. . but I do. Anyway, all this comes down to is that I get confused sometimes because the stages that I go through change when they're not supposed to. Like right now! ahhh,, i have many things to get done for school this week. (side note: Yes, I know I may not be the busiest person in the world, you may be much busier, but that doesn't mean that i don't have things besides school and significant others and jobs going on in my life so don't belittle me because you've got more tests and appointments this week than I do.) Anyway, Here's the deal for my friends. I will be stressed and stupid next year, please do not expect me to be intelligent ever (even though I'm not right now). Because I will have the final touches of all three majors next year and trust me, they are ALL nothing alike. My brain will be so torn every which way and confused. haha,, it'll be fun!

nothing

I have nothing to write about really. Today is the big day we find out if Bill gets the "big job." I guess that's something. I secretly took out some of the TWO CASES of steaks (i only took out two steaks, we have plenty left) we bought for a surprise dinner,, just cuz it's pretty unrealistic that he won't get this job. Filet Mignon MMMMMMMMM. Hope everyone has a great weekend... maybe we can watch another awesome independent movie?? I forgot where everyone will be.. probably not anywhere near Bemidji. Oh well. Have a good time this weekend whatever you do!

I am not smart

You know what I don't like about myself. I'm actually not that creative. I can't really use my left brain correctly I think. You know those "thinking outside the box" logic test things? I can't do them.. I try and try and I can't figure them out. Well, that's kind of like what my Econ test was today. I can't think outside the box and that made me get 0-20 on a quiz. Suck. Anyway, I think it is outrageous to do that to students. I knew exactly how to work the problem, and I know the exact principles, but the problem had a lot more to do with thinking outside the box than with the way to work the problem. But then, we are in college and maybe I should figure out how to think outside the box that I have been kept inside all throughtout my presecondary and secondary educational life. Suck.

Detached

If I were detached. I think that's the only way I could be OK with things how they are now. If i were to detach myself from all things that I know are being wronged. If I knew no soldier, why should this war be wrong? Maybe it isn't anyway. For some reason I don't believe that. If it weren't my mom or dad, brother, sister, or friend over there, why would I see any reason why it shouldn't be? Why should I attribute a sense of realness, of wow, "just the same as you and me," to an "Indian," a "black," a "Latino," a homosexual, a young woman who has an intelligent mind of her own? if I knew none--if I knew none but from the view of "that person, wait, is it really a person?" If I were detached--if I took no time to look beyond what so many are trying to say to me, would any of this matter? Seems as though no. Animals? They don't matter. They are just here so that we can rule over them... If I were to think like that, is that when I wouldn't be bothered by all the things that are being done wrong to them. To people like you and me. To God's (and I don't care what you call God) creations. There it is again. I think I'm Christian?? If I think that all who don't believe in God in the Christian sense are flat out wrong, that what they think doesn't matter, would it all go away? Part of me thinks maybe, but the other part says that that can't happen. I already know a gays, I already know Chicanos, intelligent women, beautiful people of all races and cultures and beliefs. I've seen so many beautiful animals,, I have seen the strength of a dying doe, a doe giving her life so that she may be food to me. To ME. Do I need it, no. damnit. I can go buy something else. But I took her, and I respect her. RESPECT. That is something this world is lacking. Or at least the leaders of this country. Why on earth would I want everyone to be like me. I know me, I can't even handle one of me. Even if I could detach myself and not care, even if it would be the easiest thing in the world for me to do, I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to. Because deep down, I'd know what I'm missing out on. I think this country needs a little more acceptence and tolerance for differences. Our leaders need to see that if everyone were like them, we'd be living in a most awful world.

Sorry, I just watched "We Were Soldiers" with Bill, because he wanted to keep watching it, and it did nothing but piss me off. Absolutely.

Meat

We just bought two CASES of steaks,, (that's a lot of meat) Bill seems high. It's funny.

tear :.(

My mom--I love my mom, she's awesome. She's intelligent, liberal, and practical.. which sometimes (ok, a lot of times) I need. So I'm obviously disappointed today, so I called her. Here's what she had to say. First of all, she is too. It's just a pattern, it will swing back, it always does (here's hoping, i need this day to come). If this many people think that the way it is going is right, let's give it a try, maybe we're missing something (highly doubtful but anything to feel better, right?). The reason people take things like this so hard (I was crying today, yes, yes, actually close to bawling) is because they put so much emotion into things like this. I can't imagine how those who worked so hard on the campaigning feel.. I'm SO sorry. But then, the other side would've felt the same I guess. Here's what my mom is worried about. First, she's nervous about what the Supreme Court is going to look like. Yikes, 3 people to retire?? God help us, PLEASE. Second, it looks to her (and I agree) as though this country is going backwards from diversity. Hello Hitler. Holy scary! That my friend sucks. So anyway this morning I told Bill about the whales and penguins close to where I'll be going in Argentina who are going blind because of the freaking hole in the o-zone. I wasn't trying to make him feel bad or anything, just trying to make him understand why I'm so passionate about the environment and why I was crying crying crying this morning. Then all of a sudden he felt like crap because he hadn't the slightest clue that this kind of stuff was happening. Well, lots of people don't even BELIEVE it is happening. You know what.... nobody knows everything and has all the information. We will just have to keep on living and try to be patient and wait. I'm not so sure I can wait 4 years though, much less,,, more than 4!

Today, Nov 2

Ahhhhhhhhh,,,, when will it be OVER! I know most of you that would read this are probably even more sick of it than I am (being political buffs and all) but ahhhhhhhhh... you have spent the last 3+ years rubbing off on me and this campaign crap is driving me mad. Well, not really, but I can't wait for tomorrow. Actually, depending on the outcome of this crazy election, I may not want it to BE tomorrow. I am still prepaired to wear all black (except for my Twins hat, since I'll also be mourning the fact that they should've won the world series and they didn't even get passed round 1 - it's navy) Anyway, sort of like I get this burning frustration sensation inside me when I think of SUV's, I feel that when I think of all those who don't vote. I understand their reasons, but seriously, it bugs me that they don't think about all the stuff those who came before them had to go through to get the right to voice their opinions. All the crap they had to go through to make people see that they too are capable of making an educated decision (don't get me started on choice). I would love to scream sometimes. You know, after starting this blogging thing, I have come to realize just how absolutely random I am. WOW, no wonder I am so unbalanced (is that a word) sometimes. That, OK, and, I'm not gonna lie, but it is a bit difficult sometimes living with someone that doesn't seem to understand my point of view, and if I try to understand his, he gets frustrated trying to explain it and quits. I want to understand and last time we talked I think I was getting it, but then I rephrased it back to him and he said no. Well poop. We went to vote today and thankfully he didn't EXACTLY cancel mine out, however he also didn't really back it up. But it is OK to have people with different opinions on things, like Amy said,, it is good to have variety in peoples' opinions. But I must say, things like that last girls' night, where I can talk about things and understand others' points of view that I generally agree with,, those nights are good for me. So thanks my democrat friends!

Argentina?

Yes, i am going to Argentina! Ahh, I just got my passport "ordered", or whatever you do. Why? you may ask, as John Hatch did earlier today. i will refrain from saying "shut up" to you as I did him. (I thought he was being smart- - like "why would you want to go there?") Anyway, I am going for six Spanish credits. AND here comes the highlight--(those of you who REALLY know me realize just how much of a highlight this is)--I GET TO SEE PENGUINS! I think I've never been this excited in my life. Actually I have, it was in June of 2004, but after that I haven't. Anyway, I am so lucky and I realize that. I love to travel and see new things. And right around now I have the feeling of hating USA, so seeing a South American country will be good for me. I have been to Mexico and don't really want to go back. But I am glad I went because I have seen what I never had to see. (Does that make sense?) it does to me. Anyway, Chau for now. :)